Who do you need to become to get the results you want as a speaker, leader or business owner?

Let me explain what I mean.

Example 1: In charge and in control

Last week during a coaching call with Terri, she told me about an upcoming meeting with someone who always makes her feel nervous.

“I don’t know why I feel that way when I meet with him,” she told me. “It doesn’t happen with anyone else.”

Terri and I talked about it for a few minutes. “Over the years,” I said, “I’ve heard so many reasons why folks get nervous in front of certain people. Everything from losing weight to getting teased as a kid.”

Then I asked her two questions:

First, I invited her to consider why she might feel that way. Is there a trigger?

Second, I asked, “Terri, who do you need to become to have a better experience in this meeting?”

She didn’t skip a beat. “I need to become the big sister!”

“Tell me more about what that means,” I said. She told me that growing up as the big sister, she was in charge and in control in the household. “I need to go into these meetings more in charge and in control,” she said.

Brilliant. We talked about what that would look like including crafting an agenda, beefing up her facilitation skills and finding a neutral meeting space instead of his office.

Terri is still preparing and feeling much better about the possible outcomes.

Example 2: You, too, are an executive

Nancy’s company had been recently acquired when she was invited out to the parent company headquarters in CA to present. She was feeling uneasy for a couple of reasons. First, she wanted to prove she has what it takes to present and lead. Second, she was concerned that so many executives, some wearing suits, would be in the room.

Although her company is smaller than some of the others, Nancy is an executive in her firm – VP of Finance. She has decision-making responsibility, manages a staff and is getting groomed to take over the whole firm when the current executive team retires.

“Nancy,” I said looking straight into her eyes. “You, too, are an executive.”

She looked back at me and nodded in agreement. So, we spent time preparing her talk to reflect that status. In her slide deck she replaced bullet points with images of her team and made sure her talk included lots of stories (the language of leadership is story, not data.)

She rocked the presentation and proved to herself and others that she has what it takes to lead.

Example 3: Communicating with power (my personal experience)

After a recent workout, the trainer, James, said, “Stacey you have great endurance and stamina. We need to work on your power.”

His comment made me pause. See, I believe that how we do exercise is how we do everything. And for years I’ve committed to daily exercise for health and longevity. That same process is true in my business. I’m in it for the long haul. But to grow the way I want to grow, I need to approach my work and my business with more “power”.

In that first story about Terri? Asking her who she needs to become was me communicating with more power. Using more expressive words to talk about my work is me communicating with more power. It doesn’t have to be a big shift to be powerful.

Who do you need to become to get the results you want?

In a world filled with messages to “be yourself” and “be authentic”, sometimes we need to ask, “Who do I need to become?”

Not to become inauthentic or less genuine. But to continue stepping into our fullest potential as business owners and leaders.