Let it Flow

Have the courage to say no. Have the courage to face the truth. Do the right thing because it is right. These are the magic keys to living your life with integrity. - W. Clement Stone

Learning to say no can often be a key component to maintaining balance and relieving stress in your life. Learning to say no can free up time in your day, help you create personal and professional boundaries, while gaining credibility and respect among friends, family and colleagues. But what happens when you’re the one making the request and the other person has the choice of saying yes or no and chooses “no”. How does that feel? Do you allow them that choice without taking offense?

Recently I planned to have lunch with my sister, niece and nephew. My mother works locally and I called her to let her know of our plans. “Want to join us?” I asked. She paused, explained how busy she was at work, but asked me where and what time we would meet. She went back and forth with me for several minutes, knowing she was too busy, but not wanting to disappoint us and by saying no. Finally I said to her “Mom, it sounds like you’re busy. You don’t have to say yes.”

I could feel the weight lifted off her shoulder. I had given her permission to say no. My feelings weren’t hurt. After all, I called her with a last minute request. If she could join us, great, if not, we’ll try again another time. My mother says yes a lot, because she cares a lot and she enjoys spending time with her family. In this instance, though, she needed the permission to say no. We often fail to say no, even when it’s in our best interest, out of fear of hurting the other person’s feelings. What if, as the other person, you provided a space for saying no? Perhaps then we would feel more comfortable and confident making choices that are most appropriate at that time and place, rather than living with resentment.

Can you think of a time when someone said no to you and you felt bad afterwards? I can. As I learned how important it is to confidently and appropriately say “no” when it makes sense for me, I became aware, too, of the importance of allowing someone else that same freedom. Communicating clearly and effectively works both ways. If I want the ability to say no when it’s right for me, it is just as important for me to allow others that same choice. And, as in the example above, sometimes that other person needs some kind of permission in order to do that.

Tags: Communication, Food for thought // 18 Comments »

I arrived on Cape Cod last Thursday with one expectation – to write. I imagined a weekend of peace, quiet and artsy coffee shops. I expected immediate inspiration just by leaving home. I never found my artsy coffee shop nor did I find the inspiration I needed to write. I decided to take the weekend to simply relax. I did, however, find inspiration in another, very unexpected way.

I went to the Cape with my husband, who was attending the final week of a 2-part professional development workshop. He already knew the participants from the first week held in May, and as a result they knew quite a bit about me, including the fact that I teach yoga. During dinner the first night, one of the program participants asked if I would teach a yoga class during a scheduled break. I agreed and at 3pm the next day, 15 people gathered for yoga with Stacey.

I didn’t know them or their abilities so I kept the class basic and guided them through stretches, breathing exercises, and relaxation. At the close of practice, I was met with smiles and the request to come back the next day. Again, I agreed.

The amount of appreciation I received from teaching these two classes was truly overwhelming. I heard some of the most wonderful comments including:

“Stacey, you have a gift. In a room full of people, you spoke in a way that made me feel like you were talking only to me. I felt like you knew what I was thinking and needed.”

“I wanted to tell you that yesterday afternoon’s yoga session allowed me to really focus and concentrate on the afternoon workshops. I was grounded and participated without being clouded by my own thoughts. Thank you so much for teaching.”

“I wanted to try yoga, but never got myself to class. This was great and the push I needed. I’m looking forward to continuing this practice when I get home.”

Hugs, smiles and thank you’s provided me with a warmth in my heart that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I have something to give, I reminded myself. And that is what I’m really passionate about – helping people have fun and feel great. When I think about my work and my skills I realize what I do is, at it’s core, so simple and yet so incredibly satisfying. What I do is more than teach a yoga class, that’s a small piece of a much larger puzzle. I provide information and experiences that help people - relieve stress, live healthy, speak with confidence - designed with fun and feeling great in mind. And when I turn on the news and hear all of the stories, I can’t help but think what a perfect time to provide these fun, feel great experiences.

Sometimes expectations can get in the way. Giving up on my original plan and allowing the weekend to unfold naturally opened me to possibilities, providing me with exactly the inspiration I needed.

Stay tuned -inspiration means changes, updates and expansion!

Tags: Food for thought, Inspiration and Motivation // 10 Comments »

“I’ve learned that if I don’t celebrate the exquisiteness of each day that I’ve lost something I’ll never get back.” - Sally P. Karioth, American Educator and Nurse.

On that note, I’m spending a few days on Cape Cod for a quiet retreat and some time to write.  And the opportunity to be outside, enjoying each day. The air is cool here this morning, as the wind blows in my window - but invigorating nonetheless.  Taking breaks is a critical component to well-being!  Have a wonderful weekend all, and I’ll be back next Tuesday.

Tags: Uncategorized // 10 Comments »

On Saturday I attended a workshop through the NSA New England – The National Speakers Association. Topic: SEO Made Easy. Presenter Steve Mertz ranks #1 in Google for many searches related to SEO. His talk was based on helping the participants rank #1 in their specialty area. I have some work to do to increase my ranking for stress, professional success and general wellness, among other things. Baby, steps, right?  Let me tell you, there really is nothing easy about SEO.  Ok, maybe it’s easy, but it takes a lot of time! That said I learned a lot, and received some tips I can implement immediately.

Surprisingly though, the tidbit of information that impacted me the most had nothing to do, directly, with SEO.

As Steve closed his presentation, he mentioned a friend who once asked him “Steve, if you’re such an expert on SEO, why haven’t you written a book?”

Simply put, Steve didn’t think another book on SEO was necessary in the marketplace. It is a topic frequently written about.

His friend’s response

“But Steve, the book hasn’t been written in YOUR voice.”

This really hit home.  I know my topics are not new – the internet, bookshelves and magazines are filled with personal development, stress relief, and wellness information. Sometimes my thoughts are similar to Steve - it’s already been written! Then I remember about MY voice. I write using my voice, my experiences, my education and my perspective. And that in itself is new.  Recently Wendi over at Life’s Little Inspirations wrote her Letter to the World. In the post she writes (among many wonderful words): “I am one little voice.” My first thought upon reading that: She’s not a little voice. She’s got something to say and she’s saying it - something many people wish they had the courage to do.

I’ve got something to say, and I’m saying it, in a blog, in a speech, or in a book. People may read it, agree with it, or disregard it. But getting my words, my experiences, my voice out on paper or on the internet is freeing, liberating and powerful. My experience tells me my words help others, and that in itself is all I need to keep writing…in my voice. Regardless of how many books and blogs are already published on my topics of specialty and interest, I’m going to write about it, speak about it, and write about it again. And no one out there can stop me.

Tags: Uncategorized // 10 Comments »

“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” - Anna Quindlen

Perfection is an issue I struggle with constantly. Over the last few months perfection became a roadblock and I have done some digging to figure out the reason. I did find some answers and I’ll share them another time. I know I’m not alone in my perfectionist ways. So for all you perfectionists out there, this one is for you.

This story comes from a recent issue of Yoga Journal magazine. Originally written with children in mind, I see no reason not to share it with adults. Got little ones in your life? Share it with them, too!

The Cracked Pot

Everyday a farmer carried two pots to the river to fetch water. Each pot hung on the end of a pole across the farmer’s shoulders. The pot on his right side was new and perfect. The pot on his left side was older and had a crack in its side. The new pot brought back all the water the farmer put into it. But the cracked pot leaked out water in a little trail. This went on day after day for two years. The little cracked pot felt terrible. “I am so ashamed of my imperfection!”

One day, it spoke to the farmer. “I must apologize. I only deliver half my load because I leak out water all the way back to your house. You should just get rid of me.” The farmer said, “Do not despair. Look behind you. Do you not see those beautiful flowers along the path? Those are on the left side where I carry you. I knew about your special feature so I planted flower seeds, and you have watered those seeds as I walked home. Thanks to you, I have fresh flowers for my table. Thank you, little cracked pot. You are very special.”

In our own way we are all very special despite any cracks in our surface. Sometimes I swear, or mistakenly give my internal editor the day off. Sometimes I talk too loud, eat too much pizza or drink too much wine. Sometimes my mind will wander as you speak and I may not hear a damn thing you say. I’m not perfect, I’m human.

But I am always doing my best to enjoy life, be the best person I know how to be and provide as much love and compassion to others as I possibly can. I’m doing my best to find my way, sometimes alone, sometimes with others, on a road that ends in an undisclosed location, fear and excitement guiding my way. I will make mistakes.

While I don’t always do or say the right thing, those things I have said or done brought me to where I am now. And where I am now, quite frankly, is perfect.

Tags: Food for thought, Inspiration and Motivation, Inspirational quotes, Positive Thinking // 12 Comments »

Recently a friend and I were talking about the stress she was dealing with as a result of recent illness, stress at work, and various family obligations. I looked at her and asked, “How are you taking care of yourself?”

Post conversation I started thinking about my own self-care activities – are they enough? Too much? Selfish? And wondering how others engage in self-care activities that truly nourish them – physically, mentally and in the soul. And do you struggle with the feelings of selfishness that sometimes follows.

Personally, I do not consider it selfish. Like so many others I know, I give in many areas of my life. Self-care allows me time to rejuvenate so I have something to continue giving!

So the question for the week is “How do you take care of yourself?” Share your favorites, the ones you absolutely cannot live without. I’m always looking for new things to try – burnout does happen! Below are my (current) top 6 in no particular order.

Morning pages – this morning journaling activity has been a saving grace over the past several months. And it’s helped me with all of my writing.

Meditation – immediately follows my morning pages. These 2 activities are as routine for me now as brushing my teeth. Together they provide me clarity and focus that carries me through the day. They have become non-negotiable.

Yoga/Exercise – though they serve different purposes, I do either some yoga or some exercise each day. There simply isn’t (always) enough time for both anymore.

Massage, acupuncture, and the like – though not frequent, they are part of the routine. Maybe once a month or once every couple of months is more like it. Friday I try acupressure for the first time.

Sitting on my back deck - my husband has created a beautiful and tranquil space in our back yard, which I love to admire from the deck. I write from there, let the 2 cats roam, or simply sit and spend time with my husband, Michael. It’s a peaceful place for all 4 of us, and it’s what made our “stay-cation” last week very enjoyable.

Connecting with others - whether socially or professionally, there is nothing that beats getting together, in person, with friends, colleagues and family. Times that I will always treasure.

How about you? What are some of your self-care activities? Share them they are an integral component to healthy living!

Tags: Fitness and Exercise, Food for thought // 12 Comments »

“Do I really need a $20 mug?” I wondered. True the mug is handmade and hand painted, but did I need to spend $20 on a mug, when I already have several usable coffee mugs at home?

This mug was different. As soon as I saw it on the shelf at the Waitsfield, Vermont Farmer’s Market I knew I had to have it. I immediately imagined my hands wrapped perfectly around the body, feeling the warmth of my coffee as the brim of the mug hit my lips, the aroma awakening my mind and my spirit, a smile forming on my lips. I was peaceful. Not to mention the colors were my favorite – hints of green, blue and purple.

I hesitated, standing next to my husband as he said “buy the mug!” I was still thinking $20? I’m not cheap by any means, I believe in value and I don’t like to overpay. Then I remembered what I had read just that morning. Week 6 in Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way: Recovering a Sense of Abundance. An exploration of how my attitudes and beliefs limit abundance and luxury in my life. I’ll be clear here – I have all I need and want for nothing. Sometimes, though, I deny myself the “little” things, with a tendency to think “bigger” (like exotic 2 week vacations). Reading this chapter changed everything.

Julia asks this question as it relates to luxury: “What gives you true joy?” She then describes a woman who finds true joy and abundance in fresh raspberries. A quick trip to the grocery store and she’s got her abundance. This woman is quoted:

“They cost $1.98 to $4.50, depending on the season. I always tell myself they are too expensive, but the truth is that’s a bargain for a week of luxury. It’s less than a movie. Less than a deluxe cheeseburger. I guess it’s just more than I thought I was worth.”

This really struck a chord with me because I love blueberries and sometimes they come with what I consider a “high” price tag of $4 to $6 per pint. Then I started to think about other things I spend money on that don’t provide me with that luxurious feeling and I end up thinking “what a waste of money, I could have had (insert something here)”

I came back from this thought and took a look again at that mug. “I’ll take it.” I said to my husband. “Julia Cameron says I can.” No, not really, but the perspective she offered in the book helped me see this situation, and those that have followed, a bit differently than before.

I have used that mug for my morning coffee every day since I bought it. The stress I felt about spending $20 on a mug is gone. At least twice a week I find myself saying “I feel so luxurious drinking my coffee out of this mug.” And I always say it with a smile. $20 for a lifetime (potentially, as long as I don’t break it!) of luxury each morning. That’s a small price to pay, don’t you think?

Leads me to believe luxury is more a matter of the mind, rather than a matter of big expensive material possessions.

What makes you feel luxurious –no matter how much or little it cost?

Tags: Food for thought, Inspiration and Motivation, Positive Thinking // 17 Comments »

You probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of you if you could only know how seldom they do. – Olin Miller

I’m reminded of a lot of things when I read this quote, but most prominent are all the people who have ever said to me “I don’t go to the gym because I don’t want people looking at me.”  My response is always the same “Trust me, no one is looking at you except you.”

I have come to believe that worrying about what other people think is about two things:  1) my ego and 2) an excuse I use to avoid facing my fears.

Someone once asked me the following two questions that really made me take a step back and reflect.  The answers that came of them were very powerful and today I share them with you along with the challenge of answering them truthfully for yourself.

• What would you do if you didn’t need the approval of other people?
• What would you do if you weren’t afraid?

What if believing in yourself was enough?  Would you have the courage to live out the answers to these questions?  I love answering these questions, for me they are an automatic invitation to dream big.

I’m not sure knowing the answers is enough, I believe we still have to work through the fear and that’s not easy to do.  In a future post I will share my recent journey of working through my fear, stay tuned.

Tags: Food for thought, Inspiration and Motivation, Inspirational quotes, Positive Thinking // 6 Comments »

As a co-director for the Downtown Women’s Club Boston chapter, I had the opportunity to share some of my experiences and learnings on the Womens Dish blog.  Click here to read the full story and the tips I shared.

Tags: Uncategorized // 1 Comment »

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of future thinking about professional goals, the direction of my business and in general what it is I want out of life.  This thinking hasn’t left me much time to recognize and be appreciative of all that I have around me right now.  I’ve been very focused on “more”.  This afternoon I went from being uninspired to write a blog post, to finding inspiration in all that I have right in front of me.  My newsletter this month was about being present, and one of the tips I provided was taking time to be thankful.  To look around and notice all that I have already and know that it’s enough and exactly what I need now.  So I take this time now to be grateful for the following:

• A fun-loving, smart, handsome, “handy around the house” and exceptionally supportive husband.
• The opportunity to follow my professional dreams, and work on them outside on my back deck.
• For the new friends I’ve made over the past couple of years, and for the friends I’ve had since kindergarten who are still there when I need them (here’s to you Kelly!)
• A family I enjoy spending time with.
• My health

There’s plenty more where that came from, but for now it’s what I hold near and dear.

What are you grateful for in your life?  And how often do you take the time to be grateful for all of it? Admittedly I could do it more often, and I’m glad I thought to do it today.

Tags: Inspiration and Motivation, Positive Thinking // 7 Comments »