Tension is who you think you should be.  Relaxation is who you are.  ~Chinese Proverb

I came across this quote a few years ago and I haven’t been able to forget it.  I first read it at a time when presenting stress management programs was new for me.  I received good feedback from participants, but I never felt completely satisfied.

After reading this quote, I immediately recognized the disconnect. When I presented I acted as I thought I “should” (professional, corporate) rather than who I really am – (more relaxed, casual). Once I recognized that difference I made a conscious effort to become more relaxed as a presenter.

Tension is who you think you should be.  Relaxation is who you are.

In a day and age where being “authentic” is all the rage, this proverb speaks volumes about what that really means.  If you want to be “you”, relax!

When I’m tense I am:

• Easily frustrated and irritated
• Short tempered
• Defensive
• Sometimes withdrawn
• Not very likable
  

When I’m relaxed I am

• Compassionate and open-minded
• Patient
• Kind
• Action oriented
  

When I’m relaxed I feel good.  I am confident, happy and satisfied.  When I’m tense I constantly seek change.

Tension is who you think you should be.  Relaxation is who you are.

Awareness is the first step to becoming more relaxed in your life.  And by relaxed it’s not about being lazy.  It’s about letting go of tension, appreciating each moment, or finding the tools you need to cope effectively with various situations.

A great way to feel more relaxed is to use the guided relaxation exercise I posted earlier this week.  Or find an activity you enjoy doing, that takes your mind off things and truly lets you be you.  You know you’re there because you fail to think of anything else!  A few minutes is all you need to restore your original settings and be who you really are.

Do you know who you are when you’re relaxed?

Do you know who you are when you are tense?

Which one feels better?

Have a great weekend!

After receiving positive feedback from participants in a recent stress relief and relaxation workshop I presented, I thought I share an audio version of the exercise here. One of the participants told me about her chronic neck and shoulder tension and that after the exercise she “felt and heard a muscle release just like at the chiropractors. Felt Good.” This isn’t the first time this exercise has healed pain from muscle tension.  Hearing news like this is what makes my job worthwhile.

Knowing that these ladies are not alone, I thought I’d share the audio version of the relaxation exercise here, with the hope that it might help you or someone you know.  Whether you have a medical issue or you just want to feel more relaxed, this muscle relaxation exercise will help. Additional benefits include:

• Improved focus and ability to “get things done”
• Greater presence
• Less muscle tension everywhere
• General sense of feeling relaxed.

The exercise lasts about 12 minutes.  It starts with a guided relaxation (by me) then a minute or so on your own before you hear my voice again.  If you know someone who might benefit, feel free to pass this along. It’s simple, requires no special equipment, money and very little time to get such tremendous benefits.

You deserve a short break to regroup and re-energize before you speed up again.  I hope you give yourself the opportunity to experience it.  Enjoy!

To download and listen later: click the link below “Download audio file” and when the new window opens go to File/Save Page As. Then you can access the audio mp3 from your computer whenever you need or want to!

When was the last time you stretched yourself?  Went beyond the boundaries of your “comfort zone”, into a place that may scare you, even a little bit?  Do you avoid that growth or embrace it?

Last weekend I participated in the Falmouth Triathlon, a sprint distance race that includes a 3/10 mile swim, 9.25 mile bike and a 5k run.  Triathlon’s are new for me and the swimming and biking stretched me.

Admittedly I didn’t swim (at all!) or bike as much as I could have.  As race day approached I noticed fear-based thoughts taking over, “I wish I didn’t have to do this.”  and “I can’t wait for this to be over.”  When I’m nervous I fall into “I don’t want to do it” mode.  I’m aware of it, and that awareness allows me to modify my self-talk.

Although I always imagined winning the “first timers” category, I decided to make that secondary to having a lot of fun!  And that shift seemed to work.

In the end I finished strong.  Strong enough to earn a 2nd place first timer finish in my age category. I knew I had done my best.  I felt confident and energized.

Regardless of what you are trying to achieve – improved public speaking, improved fitness levels, job/career growth – fear will probably appear. How do you manage it, stay confident and stretch yourself in order to achieve your goals?  Below are a few ideas that I find helpful and often share with clients to help manage fear and have the confidence to stretch beyond what is comfortable.

Be aware of your fear and how you respond to it. That awareness gives you power to modify your self-talk.

Taking action builds confidence (and often alleviates fear). If you are afraid, assess risk and take action.  Not doing something keeps the fear alive.

Your body is stronger than you think. Too often I see people ignoring their bodies, or believing that they aren’t strong enough.  Give the mind (your thoughts) a rest once in a while and let your body do its thing. You may be surprised at the outcome.

Taking action is exciting and energizing! Think about a time when you stretched yourself – how did you feel?  Maybe exhausted, but were you energized? Excited?  Every time I stretch myself I think, “I can do anything.”  That’s powerful.  And you don’t get that without taking action.

Do Your Best. That’s all anyone ever asks.  Give it your best effort, and if you’re like me, you just know when you have.

Could I have done better in this race? Absolutely!  There is always room for improvement.  But I stretched myself, worked hard and pushed beyond my comfort zone, giving me a renewed energy and confidence.  And that felt good.

Have you stretched yourself lately?  How did you feel?  How did you manage your fear?

Tory Johnson, founder of Women for Hire recently wrote a piece for Good Morning America on ABCNews.com called Stressed at Work? and of course it caught my attention.

She offers some great suggestions including:

• Keeping a journal to identify how you’re feeling, what triggered you and how your body is responding (stomach ache? Headache? Shoulder pain?)
• Taking a break during the day or finding some way to help you pass the time.
• That you don’t work for someone else, you work for you and your family.  She suggests, “Don’t give the boss or company any more power over you than they really need.”
• Eat your lunch.  Skipping meals only serves to create more stress. If you’re hungry, isn’t that where your focus remains?
• Take a vacation day or plan fun events to look forward to after work.
• Utilize the benefits of your health insurance plan
• And if you’ve done everything you can and you’re still stressed, Johnson suggests it may be time to leave.

There are a few other suggestions I’d like to add, because they work, are simple and help get you into a calm, clear thinking mind so you can come up with an effective solution to what ails you.

Stretch.  Tension and stress are held in the body.  If you keep a stress journal and you notice aches and pains, stretch.  Tension contracts muscles.  When you contract too long you may experience pain.  Stretching helps alleviate the tension and the pain.  Click here for some quick stretches you can do right from your desk.

Breathe. When you get stressed notice your breath. Is it short, quick and shallow? Where does the breath start? From your chest or stomach? Slow down your breath by starting in the belly, aka diaphragmatic breathing, and inhale deeply through the nose.  Avoid letting the chest rise first, and instead feel your stomach expand.  As you exhale release all the air and think about exhaling your tension.  Let your body soften.  Click here for a short breathing audio.

Control what you can control. You cannot control other people and their reactions.  You can however, control your own.  Stop blaming others or your job for your stress and start taking personal accountability for yourself.  You get to choose how you respond.

Practice. I can tell you to breathe or stretch or communicate effectively, but if it’s not a consistent practice, you won’t remember to do it.  If you really want a new way to respond and manage stress at work, make the commitment to practice.

There is no quick fix.  If you want to feel better and less stressed at work or anywhere you have to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. Remember it’s business, not personal.  Another person’s bad day may have absolutely nothing to do with you.  You don’t need a lot of time or money, you do need a commitment to make it happen.

What about you? How do you handle stress at work?

Need help managing stress at work? I help busy professionals manage stress at work.  Contact me to find out how my program Relieve Stress from Your Desk can help you or your organization.

Last week a young mom who attended my stress relief and relaxation workshop asked, “How can I be more present with my kids?”

A question I hear more and more.

One of the other women, a little older than the first, responded immediately with, “The only thing that matters is spending time with your children.  Do it now while you can.”  She had lost her son just last year.

I’ve always believed that good health and a loving family are the most important things in life.  When we are in good health – not just physically, but emotionally and even spiritually – we can work, play, live, love, and experience our environment fully.  When we are loved and have people to love we are connected to a world much larger than ourselves.

Being more present is something many are seeking yet a variety of factors make this harder and harder (ie, Back to School shopping begins mid-July!).  If you are looking to become more present with your family, at work, or anytime, below are three ways to get you started.

Meditate. Sitting quietly with a single focus – whether a word, phrase, or your breath – is the most effective (not to mention time and cost effective!) way to practice presence.  Meditation creates calm, focus and awareness, all necessary for increased presence.

Try this: Sit quietly, without distraction, and focus on your breath.  As you notice your thoughts appear observe and silently say, “thinking”, then, without judgment, bring your attention back to your breath.  That is the training for awareness and presence.

Be Grateful. Sometimes I’m moving so quickly I forget about the wonderful things I have already – a loving family, my health, and a comfortable home.  Taking a moment to pause and appreciate the positive parts of your life is a wonderful way to stay grounded in the present moment.  When you can find pleasure in what you have, you may realize it’s enough. 

Try this: Grab a piece of paper and pen and write down all the things you feel grateful for right now.  How do you feel?

Avoid Multi-Tasking. There is a belief that multi-tasking = more productive. Based on recent research, multi-tasking is less productive and often leads to an increase in mistakes, forgetfulness and frustration, not to mention a lot of unfinished projects.  Oh, and it can be dangerous (think texting while driving).  Concentrate on and complete one task at a time to enjoy a feeling of satisfaction and success.  When you’re with your family, turn off cell phones and put away computers.  Focus on the people instead.

Try this: When you notice yourself doing more than one thing at a time (for example talking on the phone while you cook dinner or texting while driving)  take a page from the meditation above.  First, notice that you’re mutli-tasking, and similar to your meditation, silently say “multi-tasking” then put the phone down and bring yourself back to cooking or driving as your single focus. Notice not only the outcome, but how you feel as a result.

We often take for granted the people in our lives, believing that they’ll be around forever.  But nothing in life is forever.  You only have NOW.  TODAY.

The dust bunnies under the bed can wait if your child, spouse, partner, grandmother, parent, best friend, is seeking a little bit of your time.

Give it to them.

Because spending time with the people you care about the most is feel good living.

On Sunday I purchased my Passport to Prana, “a multi-studio yoga pass” that allows me to attend yoga classes in the Boston area between now and January 31, 2011 for only $30.  That’s less than $1 per class!  And in a day and age when yoga is becoming both increasing popular and increasingly expensive, this is a perfect way in.

PASSPORT AVAILABLE IN THE U.S. AND CANADA!
If you live in the U.S. or Canada and you’re either curious about yoga or an avid yogi or yogini (one who practices yoga) already, you can benefit from this pass. A list of US cities can be found here.  For Canadian cities, click here.  If you don’t see your city listed, new locations are being added in both countries.

ONLY $30? WHAT’S THE CATCH?
In each city there are a limited number of studios and with this pass you are allowed one class per studio.  Which means, you have to like road trips!  I have until January 30, 2011 to visit as many studios I want with this pass.

I love road trips and I’ll be touring with my sister and good friend Leanna.  We began our world, I mean Massachusetts, yoga tour yesterday with an Anusara class with Nikki Jacobs at Healing Tree Yoga in Quincy, MA.  More on that later.

HOW TO GET THE PASSPORT
The Passports are available online ($30 plus shipping fees) or at a participating studio (no shipping fees, still $30).

This is the best deal going that I’ve seen to date (In MA you might pay $12 to $20 for one class!) and sure to be a lot of fun in the process.  I’m excited to travel around Massachusetts, try out new studios, new classes and new instructors.  I’ll be documenting the tour here through writing and video. I’d love to get an inside look at all of these studios and share them with you.

I don’t get a kick back if you buy a pass. I believe in the practice of yoga so much that I wanted to share this fantastic resource with you.  For $30 you cannot lose, even if you only attend a handful of classes.  And I promise you will feel good afterward.

CONNECT WITH PASSPORT TO PRANA

On the Web: www.passporttoprana.com

On Twitter:  twitter.com/passporttoprana

Or “like” their Facebook Fan Page

Yoga is the ultimate “feel good living” activity.  It nourishes all parts of you, I invite you to check it out, give it a try, and if you’re local, join me on tour!

Do you have a passport already?  Where have you gone?

I recently watched this compelling and touching TED talk by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor a brain researcher and author of My Stroke Of Insight, (which I just started reading) the story of her stroke and recovery, told and experienced by a brain expert.   Her insight goes far beyond stroke and healing.  She talks about the difference between your left and right hemisphere and how that helps you find inner peace and presence in every day life.  Fascinating.

In this 18 minute video, Dr. Taylor uses humor and science to tell her story and share her “stroke of insight.”

Having trouble viewing the video? Click here.

I spoke to a very close friend recently who has been going through a lot emotionally.  She’s also been sick more often than she’d like.  When I asked her whether she thought the illnesses could be stress related, she said, “I don’t think I’m stressed about these things.”

I hear that response often when I present and speak about managing stress.  In fact, if you had asked me 4 or 5 years ago if I felt stressed I would have said no.  I didn’t know my anger, frustration, irritability, compulsive exercise and constant desire to be anywhere but where I was in a given moment were all stress responses.  I lived in a constant state of (negative) stress.

Eventually I came to my senses and realized “there has to be a better way”.  And there is.  But before I could do anything about it, I needed to be aware of my current responses and behaviors.  By (physiological) definition stress is:

a specific response by the body to a stimulus, as fear or pain, that disturbs or interferes with the normal physiological equilibrium of an organism.

physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension

Below is a list of common (negative) responses.  Do you recognize any of these in yourself (or someone you care about?)

Cognitive Symptoms
Memory problems (forgetfulness)
Inability to concentrate (lack of focus)
Poor judgment
Seeing only the negative
Anxious or racing thoughts
Constant worrying
Inability to make decisions

Emotional Symptoms
Moodiness
Irritability, short temper, angry
Agitation, inability to relax
Feeling overwhelmed
Sense of loneliness and isolation
Depression or general unhappiness
Withdrawal

Physical Symptoms
Aches and pains due to muscle tension
Diarrhea or constipation
Nausea, dizziness
Chest pain, rapid heartbeat
Loss of sex drive
Frequent colds
Teeth grinding
High blood pressure

Behavioral Symptoms
Eating more or less
Sleep too much or too little
Isolating yourself from others
Procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities
Using alcohol, cigarettes or drugs to relax
Nervous habits (ie, nail biting, pacing)
Accident prone
Cry easily
Increased spending/shopping
Obsessive behavior (cleaning, lots of exercise)

Awareness is the first step. Do you know how you respond to stress?  Do you recognize any of the above in you or someone you know?  If yes, it may be time to create what I call your “Stress Relief Toolbox” – practical tools to help you cope with challenging situations.  Stress management is not about never reacting in a negative way, it’s about having the tools necessary to help you bounce back.  I still get angry and irritated.  My awareness allows me to catch that and ask, “What can I do to ensure a favorable outcome?”  And, I’m human, I don’t always achieve the favorable outcome, but I always learn from the experience.

We all have stress.  What matters though isn’t the situation itself, but instead how you respond.  Maybe we should call it “response management” instead of stress management.

Upcoming Event:  A Stress Relief Workshop For Women, Kingston, MA

Did you recognize any of the above symptoms in yourself or someone you know?  Do you live in or around the South Shore Massachusetts area?  If yes, then please join me as I present a Stress Relief workshop for Women on Wednesday June 30, 6:30pm to 8pm at Hope Floats Wellness in Kingston, MA.  We’ll have discussion and practice of tools you can use immediately and start buildling your own stress relief toolbox.  Learn more here or email me with any questions.  This will be a fun, interactive event!  And if you’re reading this thinking “That would be nice, but who has time.” That’s when you need it the most.  Taking care of yourself will allow you to continue taking care of others.

Welcome to the weekly Stretch Break! this week for your wrists.  If you sit at a computer during the day, this is the perfect stretch break for you.  A quick, easy, painless tension release and stretch for your wrists. You don’t even have to leave your chair and it takes about 2 minutes!  Your wrists deserve a break, too!

As always the Stretch Break! is designed for the average healthy person.  Please consult a physician before starting this or any other exercise program.

Having trouble viewing the video?  Click here to view directly.

Today Evita Ochel, a certified holistic nutritionist and biologist, and founder of EvolvingWellness.com, is here to talk about food and how to feel good about what you eat.  If you believe that healthy eating equals deprived eating, Evita says it’s not so!  Keep reading for Evita’s tips on how you can feel good about the food you eat. Take it away Evita!

Have you been neglecting healthy food choices because you picture a scenario where you will be cranky, deprived, and moody?  Do you think you’ll crave everything in sight feeling like everywhere you look, people are eating what they want, and you’re the only one who’s not?

I urge you to think again.

I want you to make food choices from a place of awareness so you feel like you are gaining (in flavor!) and not losing (in enjoyment!).  And here are 5 quick tips to help you do just that.

Add in healthy rather than taking away unhealthy.
For example, say that your diet is primarily based on fast food.  If you are trying to eat less fast food, avoid saying, “Today I am giving up all fast food.”  Your mind will do everything it can to make sure you realize that is a “bad idea.”  Instead of taking away, start by adding in new, healthier options.  Maybe you tell yourself, “I’m going to eat 1 apple per day” or maybe you agree to make 2 dinners per week at home, rather than eating out.  Start with small modifications!

The more you add in healthy options, the more your unhealthy options begin to fade naturally.

Prepare your own meals.
Nothing says quality, pride and creativity like making your own meals. You know exactly what went into them, keeping you in charge of your family’s meals and health.  You can maintain personal standards, pick your own quality ingredients and enjoy a feeling of accomplishment by creating meals you and your family will love.  Have fun by making it a family affair.  That’s something everyone can feel good about.

A great substitution for ice cream. All you need is a blender and fruit.  You can make a fruit-based sorbet or add in some milk or yogurt for a creamy taste, and sweeten naturally with something like raw honey. The taste is rich and creamy.  The only thing missing? Processed sugar, salt, and modified dairy products.

From Stacey: I don’t know Evita, ice cream – the real deal – has such a rich, smooth creamy texture!  How about just once in a while

Work with, not against, your taste buds.
If you don’t like how food tastes, you probably won’t eat it.

Do you prefer sweet flavors?  Incorporate naturally sweetened foods like bell peppers, carrots, buckwheat, mangoes, or melons.

Is sour your thing?  Tomatoes, ginger, oranges, raspberries, sauerkraut, or apple cider vinegar may be just what you need to complete a meal.

Educate yourself on herbs and spices, which bring the natural flavors out of any meal. White sugar and salt serve to mask the true taste of our food.

From Stacey: Just had a conversation about salt recently and said, “If I need salt maybe I shouldn’t eat this food to begin with!

Throw out the rules
If you feel like having a salad for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner, go for it!

Get bold, brave and creative with your food!  Add in some mango chunks to a vegetable salad or some avocado slices as part of dessert.  Make a cold peach soup to cool off with in the summer or have steamed squash as part of a hearty breakfast in the winter.

Pace yourself
Do you often feel tired after a meal because you ate too much?  Do you feel guilty because you ate to much and feel stuffed?  Overeating is extremely taxing on our digestive system and our entire body. You want to get up from the table feeling energized, not exhausted.

Eating slower, watching portion sizes, and creating awareness about when your body is full, will help you avoid over eating and feel good about meal time.   Make sure your plate is never full to the rim with food, practice saying “no thank you” and know your limits to feel great after every meal.

Note from Stacey: And I might add, if you do indulge and overeat, enjoy it instead of judging it! The stress of judging it can have additional negative consequences.  Be kind to yourself.

About Evita
Evita Ochel, B.Sc., B.Ed., CHN – is a certified holistic nutritionist, biologist, educator, writer, researcher and speaker in the areas of health, science and holistic wellness. She is a nutritional science expert and her teaching and writing focus on natural, wholesome, plant-based and organic nutrition to achieve optimal health and longevity. You can find more of her work on EvolvingWellness.com and EvolvingBeings.com.