I’m asked this question often, including today. My response this time, “You do what you have to do when you want something enough.”

These statements are often preceded with “I see your updates on Facebook. I don’t know how you do it all.” If you’re active on sites like LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by all you have to do. It’s also easy to feel less than when you see other people seemingly “doing it all.”

I know I am much more effective when I focus. These days my focus is on one umbrella idea: creating programs and products for a healthy, satisfying and successful live, personally and professionally – or what I call “Feel Good Living”. Under that umbrella I offer a lot of services, but in the end, I’m doing one thing.

Of course I stray once in a while. I have a very active mind. However, I have taken some steps to keep me on track. I find self-inquiry to be particularly useful in determining how to spend my time. Below are some of the strategies and questions I ask to keep me on track. Perhaps they’ll be useful to you in your quest to “do it all”.

Identify my values/priorities. My priorities right now: good family relationships, good health, work that has a positive affect on my community and is financially rewarding. If my actions stray from these priorities I re-evaluate. What is really important in your life?

Pause before I respond. Rather than say “yes” simply to please others, I pause. If necessary I ask for thinking time. Otherwise I quickly go through my values/priorities and if what I’m asked to do doesn’t fit, I say no, respectfully. Do you say “yes” a lot? How might you pause and reflect before you respond?

Get curious. I’m curious about how things work so I take time to explore opportunities and options. If I’m not moving forward I’ll re-evaluate and stop. Otherwise, I’ll keep going. What can you explore within a set time limit and determine whether or not it’s moving you towards your goals?

Find time for silence. If I feel overwhelmed by options I sit, quietly – for a few minutes or I take a day off. I let my thoughts settle and focus on the present moment – the activities or people right in front of me. I also journal. I let everything out that needs to come out. Silence provides an opportunity to tune in to your needs, desires and appropriate action steps. How can you free yourself from distractions to tune in to your needs and desires once in a while?

There is still plenty more I want to do. I’m by far not doing it all. I’m doing what I can, based on what I want and with the resources available to me. And that feels good right now.

Your turn. How do you “do it all”? 

No related posts.

Six years ago I left the corporate world because of stress and burnout. As a self-employed professional the tendency towards burnout, I notice, doesn’t go away. Or maybe it’s just me. It’s easy to think about work 24 hours, 7 days per week. I have an easier time shutting off my computer than I do shutting off my mind.

Can you relate?

Identifying Burnout

Below is a short list of symptoms you might experience if you are on the road to burnout.

• Disengaged with your work (when stressed you might be overengaged)
• Lose motivation and hope (when stressed you lack energy)
• Detachment and depression (when stressed you might feel anxious)
• Emotional distress (when stressed is physical)

When you are stressed lose focus, energy, and confidence. Not to mention how stress affects your health. How you relate with others is impacted, too (ie, conflict in the workplace is often associated with depression). You aren’t as effective as you could be when you are letting stress get the best of you.

Strategies to Manage Stress/Burnout

Below is a short list that I use to avoid burnout, re-energize and re-focus, even when short on time.

• Tune in. I like to journal. It’s a low-risk way to release my thoughts and feelings without sharing them with others! (Sometimes I share, sometimes I don’t want to share). A recent journal entry looked something like this: TIRED TIRED TIRED TIRED. That caught my attention. I needed to tune in to that message and recognize the need for a break.

• Deep breathing. To settle your thoughts, relax your heart rate, and slow things down before you speed up again. This is the easiest way I’ve found to relax during the day. 3-5 deep breaths is sometimes all I need to feel better.

• Take a vacation day. Or ½ a day or ½ hour. Unplugging is hard. Earlier this month I went to Florida for a few days and left my laptop at home. I still had my iPhone, but without the computer I wasn’t tied to a table somewhere. Start small.

• Get some exercise. It’s easy to forgo exercise thinking you have so much to do. When in fact that is when you need a break the most. Boost your energy and creativity with a walk, some stretching, or your favorite dance moves. Move your body! You’ll rest your mind, boost your energy, and improve your mood (Exercise releases endorphins, the “feel good” chemicals in the body.)

© Royalty-Free/Corbis

• Get help. If the strategies above do not help, consider seeking medical attention, coaching or counseling to talk through some of the issues you’re experiencing and learn appropriate strategies for you.

You are a motivated individual. Give yourself permission to slow down once in a while to stay on track, healthy (physically and mentally) and stay effective personally and professionally.

Your turn: How do you avoid burnout? What strategies work for you?

Related posts:

1. Manage Your Thoughts to Manage Your Stress
2. Taking a Break to Manage Day to Day Overwhelm
3. How Do You Manage Overwhelm?

I was recently asked to provide a few tips about how to do that for a post on the Psychology Today Minding the Body blog. In short I suggest:

Finding a time during the day that works best for you. A time when you are free of distractions – could be morning, mid-day, evening (though not right at bed time).

Mid-day break at work. Meditation or simple breathing exercises can relieve mental and physical stress that build during the day. Research also suggests that breaking from your normal routine or thinking pattern may increase productivity and creativity, too.

Whenever you feel stressed. I know it’s counter intuitive. You don’t have time! However, the next time you feel overwhelmed pause and focus on your breathing. Certainly you have time to focus on 5 deep breaths (you should be breathing anyway, so really the difference is your shift in attention). Try it and see how you feel. It won’t solve all of your problems, but you will feel more relaxed and able to create an appropriate next step.

For more from this article visit the post Four Good Times of Day to Meditate (And One to Avoid) by Linda Wasmer Andrews.

Related posts:

1. 3 Quick Tips: How to Start a Meditation Practice
2. Meditation Isn’t Easy But the Practice is Worth it
3. Stressed at Work? A Few Tips to Help You Out
4. Can Yoga/Meditation Make for Better Meetings?
5. Real Stories: Interview with Gwen Morgan on the Benefits of Meditation

I hear it a lot. People tell me they tried and they can’t stop thinking. They get frustrated and quit.

I remember the first time I meditated. I was a student in a 200-hour yoga teacher training program. Our instructor walked in and said, “We’ll start with a 30 minute seated meditation today.”

Although I didn’t say anything verbally, my body language spoke volumes. My mouth dropped open and I furrowed my brow as if to say, “You want me to do what?”

I sat. I fidgeted. My legs started tingling. My back hurt. I couldn’t settle my thoughts. I felt angry and aggravated.

When we finished I silently promised myself I would NEVER meditate again. (Nice attitude from a soon-to-be yoga teacher!)

I don’t remember when I started again or why. I do remember that I started slowly – 5 minutes at a time. I could handle five minutes. On my own I increased the amount of time I sat by 2 – 3 minute increments until I made it to 20 minutes. –  Today I can sit anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes “comfortably”.

Here is the thing about meditation: It’s a practice. You sit, free of distractions and focus your attention on a word, mantra, breath.

Your thoughts won’t stop. The practice is noticing your thoughts, detaching from them and bringing your attention back to that point of focus (word, mantra, breath).

Feeling frustrated? It’s part of the process. What else are you impatient or frustrated with in your life?

A few tidbits I’ve learned from meditation (certainly not a comprehensive list):

• Silence is uncomfortable because it forces you to be with yourself. You start to feel things you haven’t felt in a while or ever. Let them come up if you want to heal and feel better.
• Meditation keeps me focused. Meditation settles my thoughts (doesn’t stop them) when I feel overwhelmed or irritated and keeps me on track.
• Sitting does get “easier”. Now I know if I fidget something is not right in my life. I need to let it come up and out.
• Meditation keeps me in control. If I feel like I’m about to over react, I breathe. If I find myself reaching for food that I’m not hungry for I sit quietly for a few minutes. The “hunger” goes away because the “hunger” had nothing to do with food.
• Compassion. Meditation has truly helped me open my heart and my mind to others.

The practice is not about stopping your thoughts but instead how quickly you notice your thoughts and stories, detach from them and bring your attention back to your breath/word/mantra. Also, how do you feel when you’re done?

Resource: Susan Piver meditation teacher and author recently wrote a posted called Am I Doing it Right? She offers a few thoughts to help keep you on track with your meditation practice.

Do you meditate? How has it helped you? Are you afraid of it? I’d love to know what you think.

Related posts:

1. 3 Quick Tips: How to Start a Meditation Practice
2. Can Yoga/Meditation Make for Better Meetings?
3. When Meditation Helps Find Clarity
4. Real Stories: Interview with Gwen Morgan on the Benefits of Meditation
5. Meditation: Your Secret to Success (A podcast interview)

Stress…It really is about how you HANDLE it, not how much you have.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

There is no such thing as stress free. Stress is a response and we all respond differently. Some people withdraw, others get angry, irritable or impatient. Some people pause and ask questions. Maybe you know people who worry a lot, are forgetful, or have trouble sleeping at night.

How do you respond? And more importantly are you satisfied with how you respond?

When I’m on thinking overload, I feel like my head is buzzing and I can’t focus. In those moments I’ve learned to shift my attention away from my thoughts (stress) and to my breath (present moment = feel better.)

The tools I most often access in my toolbox include: exercise, stretching, yoga, journaling, meditation/breathing, connecting with friends.

The tool I choose depends on how I feel. If I feel lethargic, maybe it’s time for a walk to boost my energy. If overwhelm is keeping me from being productive perhaps a quick stretch or a few deep breaths is what I need to relax and get focused.

I don’t always have time for a 90 minute yoga class. I can find time for a neck stretch, forward bend or a few deep breaths. Even in that short amount of time, I instantly feel better.

It’s not about the stress you do have. It’s all in how you handle it.

How do you handle the stress in your life? What is in your “I want to feel better” toolbox?

No related posts.

• Unsure of what to say
• Nervous at the thought of addressing an audience of 100 people
• Afraid that her speech wouldn’t inspire and motivate the audience to take action

During our time together we created a clear outline for her talk and discussed strategies to manage her nerves on stage. She even had time during our session to practice.

As she spoke, she admitted her fears were elevated, she didn’t believe in herself. Her self-talk and thoughts were keeping her from feeling confident delivering this speech.

I stopped her and suggested she get curious about her self talk by asking the following questions:

• Where is the fear coming from? (Did she have a past experience that kept her a little stuck?)
• How is it serving you? (Does it make you feel confident or incompetent? Are the thoughts true?)
• How else might you think? (Acknowledge the fear and then think about the outcome you’d like)
• What actions can you take to ensure a positive outcome? (Need more practice? Support and feedback?)

She very much appreciated this line of inquiry. Turns out she had a less than satisfying public speaking experience in the past. This awareness allowed her to shift her thoughts and believe that the outcome of this speech, with the right preparation, could (and would!) be different.

Your thoughts are powerful. Take the first step to boost your confidence (in many situations) by acknowledging your thoughts, noticing how they make you feel and getting curious about them.

She sent me the following email the day after her talk:

Thank you for all your help!  The speech went so well. 98% of it was because you started me on the right track, got my thoughts together, and I practiced practiced practiced.  I also appreciated the advice you gave me about never leaving the podium before the speaker arrives on stage, and to always thank the speaker appropriately. I let the speakers know in advance of our tight time line, and the meeting flowed smoothly. I felt very confident, a first for me in that environment. Thank you again.  Your tips, suggestions and feedback were right on and so appropriate.

Success!

How you think about a situation will affect how you act in a situation. Do you have the tools you need to feel confident? Start by noticing your self-talk and get curious. Ask, “How is this serving me?” Then, figure out the best course of action to take to feel good about accomplishing your goals or tasks.

Your turn: How do you manage self-talk? Does your self-talk hurt you or help you?

 *   *   *

Need assistance with an upcoming speech or presentation? I now offer 1-1 guidance to provide strategies to manage your nerves, create a clear succinct presentation and present it confidently. Contact me for more information. I’d love to help you.

Related posts:

1. Dealing with “Head Trash” aka Negative Self-Talk
2. What Happens When People Help People? (And a short clip from a recent talk)
3. TED Talk: Jill Bolte Taylor’s “Stroke of Insight”

What is mindfulness?

Taken directly from the Day of Mindfulness website:

Mindfulness is the practice of developing presence in all aspects of our lives—whether we are working, driving, gardening, cleaning, or having dinner with our families. A state of constant, peaceful presence is the goal and result of mindfulness.

How present are you in your life?

If you’d like to practice mindfulness and feel more present and awake in your life, below are a few suggestions to get you started.  Will you join me in the practice of mindfulness today and every day?

Find time for silence. Meditation is a practice of focus. When you are able to focus your attention on where you are now you are present. When you allow your thoughts to drift, you lose presence. You are thinking about the future (worry) or the past (guilt). The present moment is now. Enjoy it.

Notice your food. Instead of eating on the run or gulping down food wrapped in foil, take a few minutes to sit down and eat. Pause and let the colors, texture and smell improve your dining experience. Chew slowly to savor the taste. Think about where the food came from and the work that went into making it.

Notice your emotions. When you feel overwhelmed, irritated, angry, or impatient pause and notice. Acknowledge how you feel, get curious about how you want to feel and what you need to do to feel better. On the flip side, notice too those moments when you feel joyful or grateful.

Notice your speed. How quickly are you moving during the day? Are you walking fast? Making mistakes? Forgetting appointments? Multi-tasking? Banging into tables? Pick your head up and slow down. Focus on one task at a time.

Notice your body. Are you sitting a lot during the day without movement? Have you skipped any meals? How does your body feel as a result? Tense? Muscle aches? Be aware of those physical sensations and resolve to do something – stretch, walk, eat, hydrate.

Show compassion. Were you greeted with a smile or not when you bought your morning coffee? Instead of judging, open your heart. Unless someone tells you explicitly, you never know what’s going on behind the scenes. Be compassionate. Take it upon yourself to offer a smile and hello even if you don’t get one back.

Express gratitude. When you notice where you are right now – the people, your environment, your possessions – you are present. You are able to appreciate what you have rather than what you don’t have.

As for me – I’m going to spend more time noticing my thoughts and how I feel.

Resources

If you want to learn more about this day of mindfulness visit the Day of Mindfulness website.

Harvard Pilgrim Health Care offers programs in Mindfulness, learn more here.

Harvard University offers a list of resources here.

If you want to feel more present in all areas of your life, commit to making mindfulness a daily practice.

Your turn:  Do you practice mindfulness? What’s your favorite tool? How has practicing mindfulness helped you?

Related posts:

1. What Are Your Plans for 2011?

“How do I deal with me?”

No matter where she went, she shared, she felt stressed. She began to think she was in fact the problem.

After a solid discussion with the group, she asked me to share more of my story and how I learned to deal with stress in a variety of situations.

Several women approached me and thanked me for sharing more of my story. It hit home and got their wheels spinning.

I share it today hoping it provides some insight (not a solution) to you or someone you know who may be dealing with a lot of negative stress.

I left the corporate world in 2006 due to stress. I was angry, irritated and didn’t have the tools I needed to manage how I felt. I became self-employed believing that my stress would disappear.

How naive. I felt broken and wondered if I would ever feel satisfied with my work. “What is wrong with me!” I needed to dig deeper to figure it out.

Here is a short version of the process I went through:

Identify limiting beliefs. I needed to know more than what I was afraid of, I needed to know “why”. Turns out stories like “If you want to be successful, work isn’t fun. You have to suck it up.” Or “no one needs to know your business,” were keeping me stuck.  I wanted to enjoy my work and I needed to tell people about it!

As a corporate professional I realized that my primary trigger – authority figures – had more to do with my unresolved “mom and dad issues” than the work itself. Some healing of the past had to be done.

Distance myself from friends/family. I distanced myself from friends/family who held those limiting beliefs so I could create my own. I didn’t call them as often, I didn’t share business ideas, goals or successes at first. Although necessary, this was extremely difficult.

Find time for quiet. I needed to clear all distractions, noise and clutter in order to listen closely to me. I had always had a vision of my ideal work – environment, the people I’m with and the work itself. Time for quiet (for me silent meditation worked) allowed me to access that vision and make it a reality.

Reframe my beliefs. In that quiet time I was able to see more clearly what I believed and what I wanted out of my work and my life. I journaled a lot.

Surround myself with supportive people. Now that I knew what I wanted, I needed to surround myself with supportive people who could help and encourage me. And for whom I could do the same.

Build my confidence. Building my confidence allowed me to more effectively communicate with others and speak up for myself and what I believe. (couldn’t separate myself from family forever!) This meant taking risks and doing things that scared me knowing good would come of the actions I took.

Then, and only then, was I able to deal with difficult people, have the confidence to speak up for myself, juggle multiple priorities and deal with “me” in a variety of situations. I knew who I was, what I believed, and how I could best help people. I said no to things that didn’t take me down that path. (I mention this because these are common work stress issues.)

It’s a constant and often challenging cycle that doesn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of tears, time, frustration, support and healing. Every day I practice dealing with me so I can better relate to the people around me.

Whether in your personal or professional life, you are the common denominator. If you’re stressed, you’ll most likely be stressed no matter where you are. Feeling good about your life, your work, your relationships, your environment starts with feeling good about you. Finding strategies that fit your lifestyle is a must if you want to learn how to deal with you.

(In the next post I’ll share some of the questions I asked myself that really helped the process.)

How about you? How do you deal with you? Do you have strategies in place?

No related posts.

One of the activities included the following exercise:

First to think about people in your life (or yourself!) who are completely stressed out. How do they act? What do they say and do? How do you they make you feel? (Some folks admitted feeling tense just thinking about this person!)

Then, think about a person in your life (again, could be you) who maintains composure during stressful times (because there is no such thing as stress-free). How do they act? What do they say and do? How do they make you feel? (Some participants had a hard time imagining this person!)

Next, I had them talk in small groups about what came up as they imagined this person.

Finally, thanks to the morning’s keynote speaker Dan Roam of Digital Roam and his insights about visual thinking to solve problems, I had volunteers come up and draw pictures of each – the stressed out vs the person who maintains composure.

This is the result:

In case you can’t tell, the stick figure in green is sitting in a yoga/zen like position with a cup of hot tea by his/her side.

Can you tell just by looking at the pictures what came up for these folks in their visualizations and conversations?

Is it what you would think about the difference between someone stressed out vs maintaining composure?

Do you see yourself in one picture or the other?

Would love to know your thoughts – and how these pictures make you feel.

Enjoy your weekend!

Related posts:

1. Stressed at Work? A Few Tips to Help You Out

• Take a few deep breaths. Deep breaths can help feel less overwhelmed, stressed, and give you a clear thinking slate for positive action. Inhale and exhale…

• Set personal boundaries. Lack of time and an inability to say no (at least for now) often results in missed exercise, over or even under eating and other stress-related responses. Not to mention the personal interest activities you may be pushing aside because you have too much to do. Learning to communicate clearly, effectively and confidently is a critical component to healthy living. (Note: This is harder than it sounds. Practice, practice, practice and it will get easier)

• Notice Your Posture. With so many folks tied to a desk all day or even chasing after children, poor posture can result in aches and pains. Taking a moment during the day to notice whether you are hunched over or sitting and modifying your stance appropriately can make a difference in how you feel. (I once had a woman in a stress management program suffering from shoulder pain. She sits at a computer all day and is often on the phone. After the relaxation exercise her pain disappeared. Sometimes we just need to relax. Sitting hunched over is tension.)

• Stretch. Stretching is a great way to release tension -both physically and mentally and it doesn’t take a lot of time or require fancy equipment. Watch the stretch break videos for some ideas.

• Go for a walk. You can walk from your front door. It really doesn’t get any easier than that.

What are your quick tips for feeling better and staying healthy during the day?

Related posts:

1. 3 Quick Tips: How to Start a Meditation Practice
2. No Time For Stress? Simple Suggestions to Feel Better in 10 Minutes or Less
3. Getting Started Tips: Yoga for Runners
4. Stress Relief Tip: Keep It Simple
5. Stressed at Work? A Few Tips to Help You Out