Stacey Shipman» Stress Management and Relaxation

Meditation Isn’t Easy But the Practice is Worth it

Stacey Shipman — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 16:03:09 +0000

A blog post came through my Twitter feed that caught my attention: Meditation Has Annoyed Me.

I hear it a lot. People tell me they tried and they can’t stop thinking. They get frustrated and quit.

I remember the first time I meditated. I was a student in a 200-hour yoga teacher training program. Our instructor walked in and said, “We’ll start with a 30 minute seated meditation today.”

Although I didn’t say anything verbally, my body language spoke volumes. My mouth dropped open and I furrowed my brow as if to say, “You want me to do what?”

I sat. I fidgeted. My legs started tingling. My back hurt. I couldn’t settle my thoughts. I felt angry and aggravated.

When we finished I silently promised myself I would NEVER meditate again. (Nice attitude from a soon-to-be yoga teacher!)

I don’t remember when I started again or why. I do remember that I started slowly – 5 minutes at a time. I could handle five minutes. On my own I increased the amount of time I sat by 2 – 3 minute increments until I made it to 20 minutes. – Today I can sit anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes “comfortably”.

Here is the thing about meditation: It’s a practice. You sit, free of distractions and focus your attention on a word, mantra, breath.

Your thoughts won’t stop. The practice is noticing your thoughts, detaching from them and bringing your attention back to that point of focus (word, mantra, breath).

Feeling frustrated? It’s part of the process. What else are you impatient or frustrated with in your life?

A few tidbits I’ve learned from meditation (certainly not a comprehensive list):

Silence is uncomfortable because it forces you to be with yourself. You start to feel things you haven’t felt in a while or ever. Let them come up if you want to heal and feel better.
Meditation keeps me focused. Meditation settles my thoughts (doesn’t stop them) when I feel overwhelmed or irritated and keeps me on track.
Sitting does get “easier”. Now I know if I fidget something is not right in my life. I need to let it come up and out.
Meditation keeps me in control. If I feel like I’m about to over react, I breathe. If I find myself reaching for food that I’m not hungry for I sit quietly for a few minutes. The “hunger” goes away because the “hunger” had nothing to do with food.
Compassion. Meditation has truly helped me open my heart and my mind to others.

The practice is not about stopping your thoughts but instead how quickly you notice your thoughts and stories, detach from them and bring your attention back to your breath/word/mantra. Also, how do you feel when you’re done?

Resource: Susan Piver meditation teacher and author recently wrote a posted called Am I Doing it Right? She offers a few thoughts to help keep you on track with your meditation practice.

Do you meditate? How has it helped you? Are you afraid of it? I’d love to know what you think.

What’s in Your “I Want to Feel Better” Toolbox?

Stacey Shipman — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 17:41:24 +0000

A friend recently posted on Facebook:

Stress…It really is about how you HANDLE it, not how much you have.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

There is no such thing as stress free. Stress is a response and we all respond differently. Some people withdraw, others get angry, irritable or impatient. Some people pause and ask questions. Maybe you know people who worry a lot, are forgetful, or have trouble sleeping at night.

How do you respond? And more importantly are you satisfied with how you respond?

When I’m on thinking overload, I feel like my head is buzzing and I can’t focus. In those moments I’ve learned to shift my attention away from my thoughts (stress) and to my breath (present moment = feel better.)

The tools I most often access in my toolbox include: exercise, stretching, yoga, journaling, meditation/breathing, connecting with friends.

The tool I choose depends on how I feel. If I feel lethargic, maybe it’s time for a walk to boost my energy. If overwhelm is keeping me from being productive perhaps a quick stretch or a few deep breaths is what I need to relax and get focused.

I don’t always have time for a 90 minute yoga class. I can find time for a neck stretch, forward bend or a few deep breaths. Even in that short amount of time, I instantly feel better.

It’s not about the stress you do have. It’s all in how you handle it.

How do you handle the stress in your life? What is in your “I want to feel better” toolbox?

How Is Your Self Talk Serving You?

Stacey Shipman — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 13:36:59 +0000

I worked with a client recently who wanted to feel more confident delivering a speech. Perhaps you can relate to how she felt:

Unsure of what to say
Nervous at the thought of addressing an audience of 100 people
Afraid that her speech wouldn’t inspire and motivate the audience to take action

During our time together we created a clear outline for her talk and discussed strategies to manage her nerves on stage. She even had time during our session to practice.

As she spoke, she admitted her fears were elevated, she didn’t believe in herself. Her self-talk and thoughts were keeping her from feeling confident delivering this speech.

I stopped her and suggested she get curious about her self talk by asking the following questions:

Where is the fear coming from? (Did she have a past experience that kept her a little stuck?)
How is it serving you? (Does it make you feel confident or incompetent? Are the thoughts true?)
How else might you think? (Acknowledge the fear and then think about the outcome you’d like)
What actions can you take to ensure a positive outcome? (Need more practice? Support and feedback?)

She very much appreciated this line of inquiry. Turns out she had a less than satisfying public speaking experience in the past. This awareness allowed her to shift her thoughts and believe that the outcome of this speech, with the right preparation, could (and would!) be different.

Your thoughts are powerful. Take the first step to boost your confidence (in many situations) by acknowledging your thoughts, noticing how they make you feel and getting curious about them.

She sent me the following email the day after her talk:

Thank you for all your help! The speech went so well. 98% of it was because you started me on the right track, got my thoughts together, and I practiced practiced practiced. I also appreciated the advice you gave me about never leaving the podium before the speaker arrives on stage, and to always thank the speaker appropriately. I let the speakers know in advance of our tight time line, and the meeting flowed smoothly. I felt very confident, a first for me in that environment. Thank you again. Your tips, suggestions and feedback were right on and so appropriate.

Success!

How you think about a situation will affect how you act in a situation. Do you have the tools you need to feel confident? Start by noticing your self-talk and get curious. Ask, “How is this serving me?” Then, figure out the best course of action to take to feel good about accomplishing your goals or tasks.

Your turn: How do you manage self-talk? Does your self-talk hurt you or help you?

* * *

Need assistance with an upcoming speech or presentation? I now offer 1-1 guidance to provide strategies to manage your nerves, create a clear succinct presentation and present it confidently. Contact me for more information. I’d love to help you.

“How Do I Deal with Me?”

Stacey Shipman — Tue, 05 Jul 2011 15:28:19 +0000

This post is inspired by a woman who attended my stress management presentation last week and wanted to know:

“How do I deal with me?”

No matter where she went, she shared, she felt stressed. She began to think she was in fact the problem.

After a solid discussion with the group, she asked me to share more of my story and how I learned to deal with stress in a variety of situations.

Several women approached me and thanked me for sharing more of my story. It hit home and got their wheels spinning.

I share it today hoping it provides some insight (not a solution) to you or someone you know who may be dealing with a lot of negative stress.

I left the corporate world in 2006 due to stress. I was angry, irritated and didn’t have the tools I needed to manage how I felt. I became self-employed believing that my stress would disappear.

How naive. I felt broken and wondered if I would ever feel satisfied with my work. “What is wrong with me!” I needed to dig deeper to figure it out.

Here is a short version of the process I went through:

Identify limiting beliefs. I needed to know more than what I was afraid of, I needed to know “why”. Turns out stories like “If you want to be successful, work isn’t fun. You have to suck it up.” Or “no one needs to know your business,” were keeping me stuck. I wanted to enjoy my work and I needed to tell people about it!

As a corporate professional I realized that my primary trigger – authority figures – had more to do with my unresolved “mom and dad issues” than the work itself. Some healing of the past had to be done.

Distance myself from friends/family. I distanced myself from friends/family who held those limiting beliefs so I could create my own. I didn’t call them as often, I didn’t share business ideas, goals or successes at first. Although necessary, this was extremely difficult.

Find time for quiet. I needed to clear all distractions, noise and clutter in order to listen closely to me. I had always had a vision of my ideal work – environment, the people I’m with and the work itself. Time for quiet (for me silent meditation worked) allowed me to access that vision and make it a reality.

Reframe my beliefs. In that quiet time I was able to see more clearly what I believed and what I wanted out of my work and my life. I journaled a lot.

Surround myself with supportive people. Now that I knew what I wanted, I needed to surround myself with supportive people who could help and encourage me. And for whom I could do the same.

Build my confidence. Building my confidence allowed me to more effectively communicate with others and speak up for myself and what I believe. (couldn’t separate myself from family forever!) This meant taking risks and doing things that scared me knowing good would come of the actions I took.

Then, and only then, was I able to deal with difficult people, have the confidence to speak up for myself, juggle multiple priorities and deal with “me” in a variety of situations. I knew who I was, what I believed, and how I could best help people. I said no to things that didn’t take me down that path. (I mention this because these are common work stress issues.)

It’s a constant and often challenging cycle that doesn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of tears, time, frustration, support and healing. Every day I practice dealing with me so I can better relate to the people around me.

Whether in your personal or professional life, you are the common denominator. If you’re stressed, you’ll most likely be stressed no matter where you are. Feeling good about your life, your work, your relationships, your environment starts with feeling good about you. Finding strategies that fit your lifestyle is a must if you want to learn how to deal with you.

(In the next post I’ll share some of the questions I asked myself that really helped the process.)

How about you? How do you deal with you? Do you have strategies in place?

In Pictures: Stressed Out vs Maintaining Composure

Stacey Shipman — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 15:30:11 +0000

On Thursday I presented two stress management programs at the GMAC annual conference in Boston.

One of the activities included the following exercise:

First to think about people in your life (or yourself!) who are completely stressed out. How do they act? What do they say and do? How do you they make you feel? (Some folks admitted feeling tense just thinking about this person!)

Then, think about a person in your life (again, could be you) who maintains composure during stressful times (because there is no such thing as stress-free). How do they act? What do they say and do? How do they make you feel? (Some participants had a hard time imagining this person!)

Next, I had them talk in small groups about what came up as they imagined this person.

Finally, thanks to the morning’s keynote speaker Dan Roam of Digital Roam and his insights about visual thinking to solve problems, I had volunteers come up and draw pictures of each – the stressed out vs the person who maintains composure.

This is the result:

In case you can’t tell, the stick figure in green is sitting in a yoga/zen like position with a cup of hot tea by his/her side.

Can you tell just by looking at the pictures what came up for these folks in their visualizations and conversations?

Is it what you would think about the difference between someone stressed out vs maintaining composure?

Do you see yourself in one picture or the other?

Would love to know your thoughts – and how these pictures make you feel.

Enjoy your weekend!

5 Simple Tips to a Healthier You

Stacey Shipman — Thu, 16 Jun 2011 14:36:16 +0000

I recently responded to a HARO (help a reporter out) query seeking tips for an article 30 Days to a Healthier You. Below are the tips I shared for a healthier you!

Take a few deep breaths. Deep breaths can help feel less overwhelmed, stressed, and give you a clear thinking slate for positive action. Inhale and exhale…

Set personal boundaries. Lack of time and an inability to say no (at least for now) often results in missed exercise, over or even under eating and other stress-related responses. Not to mention the personal interest activities you may be pushing aside because you have too much to do. Learning to communicate clearly, effectively and confidently is a critical component to healthy living. (Note: This is harder than it sounds. Practice, practice, practice and it will get easier)

Notice Your Posture. With so many folks tied to a desk all day or even chasing after children, poor posture can result in aches and pains. Taking a moment during the day to notice whether you are hunched over or sitting and modifying your stance appropriately can make a difference in how you feel. (I once had a woman in a stress management program suffering from shoulder pain. She sits at a computer all day and is often on the phone. After the relaxation exercise her pain disappeared. Sometimes we just need to relax. Sitting hunched over is tension.)

Stretch. Stretching is a great way to release tension -both physically and mentally and it doesn’t take a lot of time or require fancy equipment. Watch the stretch break videos for some ideas.

Go for a walk. You can walk from your front door. It really doesn’t get any easier than that.

What are your quick tips for feeling better and staying healthy during the day?

Do You Work While On Vacation?

Stacey Shipman — Tue, 07 Jun 2011 21:05:49 +0000

I’m just back from a few days away in sunny southern Florida visiting my dad.

Although a time to relax, hit the beach and visit, I brought my computer and spent a couple of hours each morning writing, preparing for upcoming presentations and responding to emails.

I actually found that I was more productive and focused with my work and my writing than when I’m at home working.

Given the book I’m currently reading, The Break-Out Principle, by Herbert Benson, I’m not entirely surprised. Taking myself out of my typical environment breaks certain mental patterns, not to mention I don’t have the typical distractions – cats who crave my attention (food, really), a house that needs cleaning, and a desk that needs to be tidied.

I tweeted about this focus and how much I was accomplishing. A friend and colleague tweeted back:

What’s this? Work on Vacation? Shame on you; of all peeps you should know better!

I chuckled at her response. True, as someone who teaches stress management strategies perhaps I “should know better.”

I thought about her tweet for a moment and caught myself thinking “Maybe I shouldn’t be working”. Then I realized I WANTED to do the work. I felt excited and energized to work on my new book and accompanying workbook. I wanted to get started setting up a new blog to accompany the book and workbook.

I WANTED to do a few hours of work – it felt good to me.

I didn’t feel like I SHOULD do the work.

And that, I think, makes a big difference.

I don’t feel like I missed out on anything and now that I’m home I’m still energized to complete my projects and get back to work.

So of course I’m curious to know what you think. Do you work while on vacation? Do you disconnect from everything? Do you do it depending on the vacation? Curious to know what works for you and if you do work, is it because you want to or think you should?

Dealing with “Head Trash” aka Negative Self-Talk

Stacey Shipman — Mon, 16 May 2011 20:04:20 +0000

I answered a question recently on LinkedIn asking about strategies for dealing with “head trash”. You know, those negative thoughts that might keep you from doing things that really matter like spending time with family, having a conversation with your boss, looking for a new job, taking a risk, exercising for example.

I realized, why not share the list here.

Below are 6 tips to help you turn negative self-talk into more positive thought and action. I use these strategies personally and often share them with others during workshops and speaking programs.

Notice the thoughts – awareness has to be the first step.
Deep breathing or meditation to quiet the thoughts and stay more present
Get curious and ask “is this true?”
Writing it down or talking it through with a trusted friend/advisor
Remembering “Why” – values, interests and what you’re trying to achieve
Take action – action builds confidence, and confidence helps decrease the head trash and negative self-talk. (an activity in mind vs body)

What do you think? How do you handle negative thought patterns?

Will it Bother You Tomorrow?

Stacey Shipman — Mon, 09 May 2011 13:57:09 +0000

Is “forget about it” the key to a happy marriage or any relationship?

I recently attended the funeral of a 99 year old woman. I remember Tillie for her vibrant personality, her smile that filled a room, her red, short, tight curly hair and gold bangle bracelets. When you entered the room she was the first to greet you with a hug and a kiss.

During the eulogy, my cousin Debbie (Tillie’s granddaughter) shared some touching stories and memories. One story in particular peaked my interest. With my cousin’s permission, I share that story with you below. A conversation between my cousin and Tillie about the key to a happy marriage.

…We were talking about the wedding plans and marriage in general, and she said she had some advice for me. Her advice was always good and simple, so I leaned forward attentively.

She said, “Always kiss goodnight. You will get mad at each other and not want to, but always kiss good night. And when you wake up, say Good Morning and make him coffee. Don’t stay mad – it’s not worth it.

When something makes you angry think, ‘will that upset me tomorrow?’ and if the answer is no, forget about it. If the answer is yes, think, ‘will that bother me in a week?’ If the answer is no, forget about it. If you think it will still bother you in a week, ask, ‘will it bother me next year?’ and I know the answer will be no. So if it’s not something that will make you mad for a long time, let it go. That’s the key to a happy marriage. Let it go.”

Tata’s advice was always simple and true. She lived a healthy fulfilled life. She loved everyone, everyday. She didn’t sweat the small stuff. She didn’t get angry. She forgave any misgivings. She focused on the good, and she remembered to thank God for all the blessings in her life.

(Note: Tata is Arabic for grandmother)

When I first heard the eulogy and even now, it sounds so simple. Of course some situations may require further conversation and clarification and closure. When referring to the small stuff, though, is it really as easy as letting go?

A big part of “feel good living” is being able to forgive and let go. To not hold on too long, in this case, to things that won’t upset you in the long run. Deal with what needs to be dealt with, forgive, heal, grow and then let it go.

Challenging as it may be, forgiving, healing and letting go feels good.

Your thoughts? Do you think letting go is the key to a healthy relationship – marriage or otherwise? Is there something you could let go of in order to enjoy a more fulfilling relationship?

Thank you to my cousin Debbie for allowing me to share this touching passage. In memory of her grandmother, Tillie.

Happy at Work Action Day – October 5!

Real Stories: Interview with Gwen Morgan on the Benefits of Meditation

Stacey Shipman — Fri, 06 May 2011 13:46:34 +0000

New! At the end of each week (Friday/Saturday) I’ll share an interview or personal story about “real people” who have benefited from practices like yoga, meditation and other alternative healing methods. Why? As a way to raise awareness about these practices and hopefully get more people interested in using them to feel better. Have a story you want to share? Send me an email. I’d love to share your story here.

Gwen Morgan, a friend, colleague and creator of the What if Workbook, shares her experience with the 21-day Chopra meditation program.

What prompted you to participate in a meditation program?

A friend of mine sent me an invitation to the Chopra Center 21 day meditation program. I was feeling unbalanced, and knew I needed something to ground me. I was ready.

Had you considered such a practice before?

I try to meditate as much as possible, but admittedly not regularly. I was attracted to this 21 Day Challenge because they were guided meditations. I thought these would be easier than my usual meditation. Typically I sit in silence and try to be still/quiet the mind … which can be so hard! I’ve heard so many great things about the Deepak Chopra Center that I knew they would be good quality.

What challenges did you face with the practice and how did you overcome them?

When the program started I didn’t feel ‘quite ready’. I started 3 days late! People were posting responses to the daily meditations, and I wasn’t ‘on schedule’ with them. I regretted the decision to start late. It was pretty cool thinking there were thousands of people all over the world listening to the same meditations as me!

One of the best suggestions they made – the RPM method: Rise, Pee, Meditate, to be sure nothing got in the way of getting to it. I am a ‘have to have my coffee before anything in the morning’ kind of girl, so I thought this would be really difficult. But it felt right the first morning I tried it. I purchased the 21 Days of Meditation when the free program was over, and still try to RPM. I love it!

(Note from Stacey: I started the RPM method myself and it really helps keep me consistent with my daily practice. No excuses!)

What benefits have you realized (how it’s helped your personal/professional life)

Oh my … HUGE benefits. These meditations are actually little lessons about life, they are not ‘sitting in silence’ for the whole time. They were only about 10-15 minutes long, but really got to the heart of the subject of the day. For example, you were asked, “Who are you, really?”, or “What is your life’s purpose?”, or they brought up opening your heart, forgiveness, being gentle with yourself … things of this nature. I found that the calmness and groundedness I felt each morning extended well into my day. I can honestly say it benefited me as a person, which improved both my personal and professional lives. If I have a lot on my plate, I tend to get in a real tizzy. When I am doing these meditations, I find I really settle down and take care of one thing at a time, instead of being frenzied.

What would you recommend others who might be curious and/or afraid of the practice?

Give it a try! What have you got to lose? When do we give ourselves 15 minutes to just ‘be’, to learn, to be in touch with our inner selves? And it’s free!! My advice is not to be hard on yourself. If you miss a day (or 2, or 3), jump right back in. I found that the meditations stayed on the website for over a month after the 21 days, so you can always get right back in. There were some I really enjoyed, so I just kept going back to those after I finished the 21 days.

More about Gwen

Gwen Morgan is the Founder/Director of The Lydia Group, based in Scituate, MA. Gwen wrote the What if …Workbook© after years of working in Hospice and Elder Care, and drawing from her own personal experience. WHAT IF something unexpected were to happen to you … a fire, a flood, a death? The What if…Workbook includes financial information, contacts, document storage, last wishes, family medical history, and much more! Procrastinate no more! Give the Gift of Preparedness to Your Loved Ones!