Meditation Isn’t Easy But the Practice is Worth it

December 13, 2011 By Leave a Comment

A blog post came through my Twitter feed that caught my attention: Meditation Has Annoyed Me.

woman meditating

I hear it a lot. People tell me they tried and they can’t stop thinking. They get frustrated and quit.

I remember the first time I meditated. I was a student in a 200-hour yoga teacher training program. Our instructor walked in and said, “We’ll start with a 30 minute seated meditation today.”

Although I didn’t say anything verbally, my body language spoke volumes. My mouth dropped open and I furrowed my brow as if to say, “You want me to do what?”

I sat. I fidgeted. My legs started tingling. My back hurt. I couldn’t settle my thoughts. I felt angry and aggravated.

When we finished I silently promised myself I would NEVER meditate again. (Nice attitude from a soon-to-be yoga teacher!)

I don’t remember when I started again or why. I do remember that I started slowly – 5 minutes at a time. I could handle five minutes. On my own I increased the amount of time I sat by 2 – 3 minute increments until I made it to 20 minutes. –  Today I can sit anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes “comfortably”.

Here is the thing about meditation: It’s a practice. You sit, free of distractions and focus your attention on a word, mantra, breath.

Your thoughts won’t stop. The practice is noticing your thoughts, detaching from them and bringing your attention back to that point of focus (word, mantra, breath).

Feeling frustrated? It’s part of the process. What else are you impatient or frustrated with in your life?

A few tidbits I’ve learned from meditation (certainly not a comprehensive list):

  • Silence is uncomfortable because it forces you to be with yourself. You start to feel things you haven’t felt in a while or ever. Let them come up if you want to heal and feel better.
  • Meditation keeps me focused. Meditation settles my thoughts (doesn’t stop them) when I feel overwhelmed or irritated and keeps me on track.
  • Sitting does get “easier”. Now I know if I fidget something is not right in my life. I need to let it come up and out.
  • Meditation keeps me in control. If I feel like I’m about to over react, I breathe. If I find myself reaching for food that I’m not hungry for I sit quietly for a few minutes. The “hunger” goes away because the “hunger” had nothing to do with food.
  • Compassion. Meditation has truly helped me open my heart and my mind to others.

The practice is not about stopping your thoughts but instead how quickly you notice your thoughts and stories, detach from them and bring your attention back to your breath/word/mantra. Also, how do you feel when you’re done?

Resource: Susan Piver meditation teacher and author recently wrote a posted called Am I Doing it Right? She offers a few thoughts to help keep you on track with your meditation practice.

Do you meditate? How has it helped you? Are you afraid of it? I’d love to know what you think.

Filed Under: Stress Management and Relaxation, Yoga & Meditation

What’s in Your “I Want to Feel Better” Toolbox?

September 26, 2011 By Leave a Comment

A friend recently posted on Facebook:

Stress…It really is about how you HANDLE it, not how much you have.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

There is no such thing as stress free. Stress is a response and we all respond differently. Some people withdraw, others get angry, irritable or impatient. Some people pause and ask questions. Maybe you know people who worry a lot, are forgetful, or have trouble sleeping at night.

How do you respond? And more importantly are you satisfied with how you respond?

When I’m on thinking overload, I feel like my head is buzzing and I can’t focus. In those moments I’ve learned to shift my attention away from my thoughts (stress) and to my breath (present moment = feel better.)

The tools I most often access in my toolbox include: exercise, stretching, yoga, journaling, meditation/breathing, connecting with friends.

The tool I choose depends on how I feel. If I feel lethargic, maybe it’s time for a walk to boost my energy. If overwhelm is keeping me from being productive perhaps a quick stretch or a few deep breaths is what I need to relax and get focused.

I don’t always have time for a 90 minute yoga class. I can find time for a neck stretch, forward bend or a few deep breaths. Even in that short amount of time, I instantly feel better.

It’s not about the stress you do have. It’s all in how you handle it.

How do you handle the stress in your life? What is in your “I want to feel better” toolbox?

Filed Under: Stress Management and Relaxation

How Is Your Self Talk Serving You?

September 15, 2011 By 1 Comment

I worked with a client recently who wanted to feel more confident delivering a speech. Perhaps you can relate to how she felt:

  • Unsure of what to say
  • Nervous at the thought of addressing an audience of 100 people
  • Afraid that her speech wouldn’t inspire and motivate the audience to take action

During our time together we created a clear outline for her talk and discussed strategies to manage her nerves on stage. She even had time during our session to practice.

As she spoke, she admitted her fears were elevated, she didn’t believe in herself. Her self-talk and thoughts were keeping her from feeling confident delivering this speech.

I stopped her and suggested she get curious about her self talk by asking the following questions:

  • Where is the fear coming from? (Did she have a past experience that kept her a little stuck?)
  • How is it serving you? (Does it make you feel confident or incompetent? Are the thoughts true?)
  • How else might you think? (Acknowledge the fear and then think about the outcome you’d like)
  • What actions can you take to ensure a positive outcome? (Need more practice? Support and feedback?)

She very much appreciated this line of inquiry. Turns out she had a less than satisfying public speaking experience in the past. This awareness allowed her to shift her thoughts and believe that the outcome of this speech, with the right preparation, could (and would!) be different.

Your thoughts are powerful. Take the first step to boost your confidence (in many situations) by acknowledging your thoughts, noticing how they make you feel and getting curious about them.

She sent me the following email the day after her talk:

Thank you for all your help!  The speech went so well. 98% of it was because you started me on the right track, got my thoughts together, and I practiced practiced practiced.  I also appreciated the advice you gave me about never leaving the podium before the speaker arrives on stage, and to always thank the speaker appropriately. I let the speakers know in advance of our tight time line, and the meeting flowed smoothly. I felt very confident, a first for me in that environment. Thank you again.  Your tips, suggestions and feedback were right on and so appropriate.

Success!

How you think about a situation will affect how you act in a situation. Do you have the tools you need to feel confident? Start by noticing your self-talk and get curious. Ask, “How is this serving me?” Then, figure out the best course of action to take to feel good about accomplishing your goals or tasks.

Your turn: How do you manage self-talk? Does your self-talk hurt you or help you?

 *   *   *

Need assistance with an upcoming speech or presentation? I now offer 1-1 guidance to provide strategies to manage your nerves, create a clear succinct presentation and present it confidently. Contact me for more information. I’d love to help you.

Filed Under: Communication, Confidence, Stress Management and Relaxation

“How Do I Deal with Me?”

July 5, 2011 By 1 Comment

This post is inspired by a woman who attended my stress management presentation last week and wanted to know:

“How do I deal with me?”

No matter where she went, she shared, she felt stressed. She began to think she was in fact the problem.

After a solid discussion with the group, she asked me to share more of my story and how I learned to deal with stress in a variety of situations.

Several women approached me and thanked me for sharing more of my story. It hit home and got their wheels spinning.

I share it today hoping it provides some insight (not a solution) to you or someone you know who may be dealing with a lot of negative stress.

I left the corporate world in 2006 due to stress. I was angry, irritated and didn’t have the tools I needed to manage how I felt. I became self-employed believing that my stress would disappear.

How naive. I felt broken and wondered if I would ever feel satisfied with my work. “What is wrong with me!” I needed to dig deeper to figure it out.

Here is a short version of the process I went through:

Identify limiting beliefs. I needed to know more than what I was afraid of, I needed to know “why”. Turns out stories like “If you want to be successful, work isn’t fun. You have to suck it up.” Or “no one needs to know your business,” were keeping me stuck.  I wanted to enjoy my work and I needed to tell people about it!

As a corporate professional I realized that my primary trigger – authority figures – had more to do with my unresolved “mom and dad issues” than the work itself. Some healing of the past had to be done.

Distance myself from friends/family. I distanced myself from friends/family who held those limiting beliefs so I could create my own. I didn’t call them as often, I didn’t share business ideas, goals or successes at first. Although necessary, this was extremely difficult.

Find time for quiet. I needed to clear all distractions, noise and clutter in order to listen closely to me. I had always had a vision of my ideal work – environment, the people I’m with and the work itself. Time for quiet (for me silent meditation worked) allowed me to access that vision and make it a reality.

Reframe my beliefs. In that quiet time I was able to see more clearly what I believed and what I wanted out of my work and my life. I journaled a lot.

Surround myself with supportive people. Now that I knew what I wanted, I needed to surround myself with supportive people who could help and encourage me. And for whom I could do the same.

Build my confidence. Building my confidence allowed me to more effectively communicate with others and speak up for myself and what I believe. (couldn’t separate myself from family forever!) This meant taking risks and doing things that scared me knowing good would come of the actions I took.

Then, and only then, was I able to deal with difficult people, have the confidence to speak up for myself, juggle multiple priorities and deal with “me” in a variety of situations. I knew who I was, what I believed, and how I could best help people. I said no to things that didn’t take me down that path. (I mention this because these are common work stress issues.)

It’s a constant and often challenging cycle that doesn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of tears, time, frustration, support and healing. Every day I practice dealing with me so I can better relate to the people around me.

Whether in your personal or professional life, you are the common denominator. If you’re stressed, you’ll most likely be stressed no matter where you are. Feeling good about your life, your work, your relationships, your environment starts with feeling good about you. Finding strategies that fit your lifestyle is a must if you want to learn how to deal with you.

(In the next post I’ll share some of the questions I asked myself that really helped the process.)

How about you? How do you deal with you? Do you have strategies in place?

Filed Under: Feel Good About Your Work, Stress Management and Relaxation

In Pictures: Stressed Out vs Maintaining Composure

June 24, 2011 By 2 Comments

On Thursday I presented two stress management programs at the GMAC annual conference in Boston.

One of the activities included the following exercise:

First to think about people in your life (or yourself!) who are completely stressed out. How do they act? What do they say and do? How do you they make you feel? (Some folks admitted feeling tense just thinking about this person!)

Then, think about a person in your life (again, could be you) who maintains composure during stressful times (because there is no such thing as stress-free). How do they act? What do they say and do? How do they make you feel? (Some participants had a hard time imagining this person!)

Next, I had them talk in small groups about what came up as they imagined this person.

Finally, thanks to the morning’s keynote speaker Dan Roam of Digital Roam and his insights about visual thinking to solve problems, I had volunteers come up and draw pictures of each – the stressed out vs the person who maintains composure.

This is the result:

Stressed out

Maintains Composure

In case you can’t tell, the stick figure in green is sitting in a yoga/zen like position with a cup of hot tea by his/her side.

Can you tell just by looking at the pictures what came up for these folks in their visualizations and conversations?

Is it what you would think about the difference between someone stressed out vs maintaining composure?

Do you see yourself in one picture or the other?

Would love to know your thoughts – and how these pictures make you feel.

Enjoy your weekend!

 

Filed Under: Stress Management and Relaxation
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