Be Yourself

So often we’re told to be ourselves, be authentic, show the real you! Who is the real you, anyway? During the weekend I heard a few of the girls talking in the bathroom asking questions like “Do you have a pacemaker?”, “How big is your scar?” and “How many surgeries have you had?”

Imagine if we were able to live our lives completely open about the good and not so good in our lives? Freely and without judgment? Sure it helps to be surrounded with like-minded people (bonus lesson!). It’s also nice to imagine a world where we communicate freely and aren’t afraid of sharing ourselves.

How can you let go of who you think you should be and simply be you?

Do Something Different

When did you last do something different? Spending a weekend in a sleeping bag, on a bunk bed watching over 10 girls between the age of 10 – 13 living with pacemakers, needing medication, special attention and lots of love, not to mention creating a tie dye shirt, wearing a duck hat and eating ice cream for breakfast! That is different. And that difference changed my life.

I don’t even consider it stepping out of your comfort zone. That’s uncomfortable. Just do something different.

What can you do that’s new and makes a difference not only in your life but the life of someone else, too?

Worry about what really matters

As my co-councilors and I prepared the girls for the Saturday evening activities, we gathered coats, sprayed bug repellent and made sure they had their water bottles. One of the campers didn’t budge. When I asked if she had everything she needed, she looked at me and said, “The only thing I care about is that my pacemaker doesn’t get disconnected.”

Wisdom from an 11 year old.

What are you worried about? The small stuff or what really matters?

Pacemaker Camp is a fun filled, fast paced weekend that I look forward to year after year. The campers appreciate it, the camp organizers appreciate it, and I learn so much from this very kind, very loving group of young people.

Pacemaker camp is definitely a weekend of feel good living.

Your turn: what activities do you participate in that make you feel that good?

Related posts:

1. Feel Good Friday: Ice Cream For Breakfast! And Other Lessons Learned at Camp
2. Weekend Fun: Lessons in Feel Good Living From My Cats

“ ‘Why not?’ is a slogan for an interesting life.” – Mason Cooley (1927-2002) American Aphorist

Sometimes I think we worry too much about what we should and shouldn’t do in our lives. Eat this, don’t eat that. Do this work, not that work.

When it comes to the health of your mind, body and spirit – who knows what you should or shouldn’t do better than you?

So here are some thoughts I have – if your actions feel good for you and your life, why not?

If eating that extra piece of pizza on movie night feels good, why not?
If skipping the pizza and opting for salad with grilled chicken or fish feels good, why not?

If spending more time at work feels good today, why not?
If using a personal day and spending more time with your family feels good, why not?

If not exercising feels good, why not?
If exercising feels good, why not?

If there is a book you want to read and spending the first 30 minutes of your day reading it feels good, why not?
If reading your favorite gossip magazine or blog feels good, why not?

If sipping an extra glass of wine on the deck with friends feels good, why not?
If skipping wine and alcohol all together feels good, why not?

If starting a part-time entrepreneurship activity nights/weekends feels good, why not?
If working full-time for a larger entity feels good, why not?

If staring too long at the cute guy/girl in the cube across from you feels good, why not?
If you stare too long and get caught and it still feels good, why not?

If walking around barefoot feels good, why not?
If it doesn’t, put shoes on.

If splurging on that new outfit feels good, why not?
If saving your money for that upcoming vacation feels good, why not?

What if, instead of worrying so much about what you are told or what others think, you lived your life based on what you think is best for you?

We’re all individuals with our own interests, thoughts and goals in life. What feels good for me, may not feel good for you. And vice versa.

I know a woman who lived to be 99 years old. When asked about her “secret” she said, “I eat a scoop of vanilla ice cream every day after dinner.”

I say, Why not!

BUT: if whatever activity you participate in stops feeling good for your body, mind and your soul, it might be time to re-evaluate your actions and try a new path.

What do you think?

Related posts:

1. Feel Good Friday: Ice Cream For Breakfast! And Other Lessons Learned at Camp

I’ve never been one to fall for Valentine’s Day. Do I really need one day out of 365 to remind me to love someone? If there is truly love, shouldn’t we love them all year long?

And in the end I can see the irony.

For many years my heart was closed to other people.

I didn’t trust or see the good in people or the world around me.

Because I didn’t trust or see the good in myself.

I created a wall that kept people out. And those I let in, I let in slowly.

As a result, I closed myself off to friends, family and colleagues. I kept a distance with an attitude that said, “I don’t care.” And “So what?” This is how I kept myself “safe”.

Because of that same fear, I closed myself off to a world of opportunity.

In 2006 I met my first coach. She suggested two words that changed everything.

She told me, “Stacey, I want you to trust and soften.”

I’ll never forget the impact of these two simple words.

Soon after, I was reminded of my high school year book quote: Before you can learn to love others, you must first learn to love yourself.

Our younger selves know a lot.

I spent a good part of the last five years learning to trust and soften.  It’s not easy to undo almost two decades of work. Strong support systems combined with practices like yoga, meditation, and journaling made a big difference in how I viewed myself and the world around me. I woke up.

Just the other day I sat with a colleague and as we shared updates and stories about our lives and our business she said, “Stacey you’ll be successful in your endeavors because you’re easy to be with and people will want to join you. I can see the excitement in your eyes.”

I smiled back and said, “Funny, I haven’t always been that easy to be with or relate to. I spent a long time living behind a wall, and a good part of the last 5 years taking it down.”

It’s an ongoing process and practice to keep it that way.

Learning how to love and appreciate me, I realize, allows me to love and appreciate those around me. Feeling good about yourself allows you to give fully to others, without expectation. It’s not arrogant when giving to others comes from a genuine place. In fact, it’s necessary.

On this Valentine’s Day I offer two questions in an effort to create more genuine interactions between people:

What one thing can you do today to show love and compassion to yourself? Whether you exercise, eat well, share a hug with a loved one or notice your self-talk, (or something else) what can you do for yourself today?

What one thing can you do for someone you care about (or maybe someone you don’t know yet?). Something as simple as a smile, a quick phone call or a “thank you” may have more of an impact than you think.

When you feel good about yourself, you feel good about how you can help, support and love others. And that is feel good living.

How do you spend Valentine’s Day? Do you see it as a special day to share love, or is it just another day?

No related posts.

You can listen to the podcast by clicking this link: Meditation_ Your Secret to Success in the New Normal

or download in iTunes and take it with you.

Meditation is challenging, no doubt about it. At the same time it is an incredible tool for managing stress, feeling more balanced and in control. And that is definitely feel good living. What do you think? Do you have a meditation practice? Is it useful?

Learn more about Colette:

on Twitter: @coach_colette

Her business: In Step Consulting

Her podcast on iTunes: Today’s New Normal

Related posts:

1. When Meditation Helps Find Clarity
2. FGL TV: Enjoy the Silence, Interview with Jennifer Kauffman, Local Business Coach
3. Random Inspiration and a Yoga Interview
4. Feel Good About Money: Interview with Kathleen Burns Kingsbury

Skipping out on your time – to exercise, engage in a hobby, meditate, (you fill in the blank here) – is not helping anyone.  Last night Peggy Nolan of The Stepmoms Toolbox interviewed me on her show Stepmoms Toolbox Radio and asked me “What are three things stepmoms can do today to relieve some of their stress.”  The answers I shared are valid for anyone, stepmoms, moms, working moms, women who aren’t moms, professionals, self-employed folks, men, and children.  And they are three of my personal favorites.

As Peggy noted you can probably do all three in less than 10 minutes.

I often say, If you can’t find 5 or 10 minutes a day for you, I probably can’t help you.  If you’re feeling stressed, irritated, overwhelmed, worried during the day, below are three suggestions to get you feeling better by day’s end.

Find time for quiet. Take a quiet walk, practice deep breathing or just simply sit and be more aware of your environment.  Something that allows you to take a break from the distractions and enjoy being with you.  Try this:  Sit and take 5 deep breaths.  Remember to exhale.

Move your body. Stress and overwhelm today is often the result of too much thinking and not enough action.  The next time you feel overwhelmed, notice it and then DO SOMETHING. Dance, walk, stretch, cook, knit, clean the house, take action on an item on your to do list. Do something that gets you out of your thinking mind for a bit and using your body.   Try this:  when you feel overwhelmed, take a walk around the neighborhood.

Connect.  Having supportive communities of people – friends, family, counselors, coaches – is a critical component to relieving stress and feeling good.  You may feel like you’re alone when the truth is you are not.  Reach out for support.  It will only make you stronger.  Try this: Call a friend or family member who makes you laugh, is a good listener and who you trust.  Spend five minutes on the phone.

Cost commitment: $0

Time commitment: 10 minutes (depending on how long you chat with a friend!)

Benefit: infinite.

When you take time for you during the day, no matter how much time you have, that is feel good living.

How about you? What practices do you have in place to help you feel good about yourself when stress is getting the best of you?

*   *   *

Stepmoms Toolbox Radio interview

You can listen to the full interview on the Stepmoms Toolbox by clicking this link.  The episode will be available to download from itunes soon. Search “Stepmoms Toolbox” in the podcast section.

Related posts:

1. What are your “first things”?
2. 10 Tips to Relieve Holiday Stress (& an Interview on the topic)
3. Feel Good Friday: Neck and Shoulder Stretch Break
4. Local Feel Good Living: Alzheimer’s Partnership of the South Shore
5. 10 No Cost Ways to Relieve Stress from Your Desk

The first sentence of the introduction reads:

If you were to pause and think seriously about the “first things” in your life – three or four things that matter most – what would they be?

Are these things receiving the care, emphasis, and time you really want to give them?

This is exactly how I think about my goals and plans.  In fact, I recently presented this idea to a small group of woman during a talk on goal setting for 2011.  I base my goals/plans on two things:  my values and my priorities.

My values:  Fun, feel good, guide, experience

My priorities:
Maintaining good health
Keeping strong family ties and community relationships
Making a living doing work I enjoy and that positively impacts the health and well-being of others.

If my actions during the day fit with my values and priorities I feel good at the end of the day.  If they don’t, it’s time to re-assess.

Do you struggle with balance or wishing for more time to get things done?  You might consider asking the question “What are my first things” and see what comes up.

Do you already know your first things?  Are you actively taking steps to nurture them?

*   *   *

On Monday January 10, 8pm EST Peggy Nolan from the Stepmoms Toolbox will interview me on her Stepmoms Toolbox Radio show. The topic:  Managing Stress: Take Control of You.  Click here to listen live on Monday.

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As 2010 comes to a close I have been thinking about what I want out of 2011.  Have you been considering the same for yourself? I’m not setting “goals”, instead I have a list of things I want to accomplish, personally and professionally.

Make and sell my hummus. I’ve been making hummus for years with rave reviews and this year I have a personal goal of making and selling the hummus at local farmers markets or gourmet food shops.  I’m really excited about this and have already started making headway.

Improve my storytelling. My writing and speaking style tends to be “how-to”.  This year I want to work on story telling, the emotion that goes into writing and speaking. I want to do more of both (speaking/writing) professionally and be able to connect with audiences on a more natural, emotional and inspirational level.

Publish an essay.  This is a natural follow up to the above.  I am currently researching potential publishing outlets, while also identifying essay topics and working on a first draft.  Goal is to have one essay complete and at least submitted by the end of March.

Grow New Health/Wellness Professionals Group. Currently working under the name Wellness Professionals Network, the purpose of the group is to provide business education and networking opportunities to health, wellness and fitness professionals through online and in person events.  (Are you a health/wellness professional? Learn more about the group here).

Relaunch Feel Good Living TV. I miss it and I want to start it again.  With a focus on “Bringing you back to your senses” this will be a practical, fun, experiential, online program.

Website Redesign. A lot has changed since I started my business and my blog. I’d like to make changes that reflect the evolution and the direction for the future – Feel Good Living.

Write/publish a book. I’m still deciding which book will come first, but by the mid-year point, a book will be published with a focus on “Feel Good Living”.

Increase my business. If I increase my business I increase my ability to help people.  Specifically I’m focusing on more speaking engagements, web video consulting, and one-on-one guidance with a focus on presenting yourself confidently as a speaker, leader, student or professional.

Engage more in social media.  Admittedly I have resisted social media. In 2011, I plan to engage more, and if it works great. If it doesn’t, on any level, I’ll re-evaluate.

Enjoy Time with Friends and Family. Time to put work aside and enjoy and nurture the personal connections that make life fun and memorable.  Without my health or my family/friends, what is there, really?

None of these will happen without a plan behind them (For example, what good is a March deadline if I don’t identify the steps I need to take to get there?) and those plans are coming alive. I’m looking forward to 2011, the ups, the downs, the success and the less than success.  I just know it will be a year to feel good about.

What are your plans for 2011?  Do you have a plan in place to get you there?  How will you make 2011 a year you can feel good about?

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Decorations – the lights, the trees all of it

Time with family

A time for giving

A time for celebration

A time for reflecting

Keeping warm by the wood stove

The start of a brand new chapter and a brand new year.

A time to eat my favorite homemade chocolate covered peanut butter candies

1 stick margarine
1 ½ cup peanut butter
4 cups confectioner (powdered) sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
12 oz chocolate chips
¼ slab paraffin wax (found in baking aisle)

Directions

1. Cream all but chocolate chips and wax. Roll into balls, about 1 inch. Chill approximately 8 hours or overnight.
2. Melt chocolate chips and wax in double boiler.  Dip peanut butter balls with spoon into chocolate. Place on wax paper lined baking sheet. Chill another 8 hours or overnight.

What do you love about the holiday season?

Wishing you a happy, healthy and celebratory holiday season!  See you just before the new year.

*   *   *

FREE EBOOK

So often the holidays are filled with stress – cooking, cleaning, shopping.  This year I compiled the tips and articles I’ve written over the past few years into a free pdf called “How to Feel Good About the Holidays and Get More Presence”. You can download it free by clicking here.

Related posts:

1. 8 Reasons to Love Running
2. Feel Good Friday: Take a Hike (and a free hiking download)

Because they are familiar.  There is comfort.  And there is soul.

I looked up the definition of soul and found several meanings.  The one I thought most closely related to this phrase: the emotional part of human nature; the seat of the feelings or sentiments.

That’s how I feel when I recall fond memories of trips, spending time with family.  There is an emotion, a softness, I don’t get from other parts of my life.

Over Thanksgiving weekend I got together with two friends from childhood.  And by childhood, I mean I’ve known Kelly (right) since kindergarten and Lisa (middle) since 2^nd or 3^rd grade.  Although Kelly lives on the west coast now, we stay connected in a way that might suggest we see each other weekly.  Thanks to Facebook, we reconnected with Lisa in recent months after a hiatus of many years.

Although our get togethers are few and far between, spending two hours on a Saturday morning felt right.  There was no discomfort and we picked up where we left off.  We reminisced, talk about now, talked about plans for the future.

In a world that is constantly stretching us beyond our comfort zone, to take a risk or face a challenge, it’s nice to know there are some parts of life that remain familiar.  Where we can seek solace and comfort during otherwise chaotic times. In a world that is constantly seeking “balance”, adding more soul to our lives may be just what the doctor ordered.

To have that soulful familiarity once in a while, that is feel good living.

How about you?  How do you find soul in the familiar?  What gives you that same sense of comfort?

No related posts.

Has this ever happened to you? At the time it drove me crazy. I realize now I got upset because deep down I wasn’t happy and didn’t feel like I had anything to smile about. Now that I’m older and have worked through that unhappiness, I find myself smiling a lot more.

On Thanksgiving morning when I woke my husband asked, “What are you thankful for?” My answer was easy and included all of the things in my life that make me smile.  Since smiling more definitely feels good, I thought I’d share a few of these things today.

Recently I had a week when I wasn’t feeling so good. My husband took the following picture and emailed it to me. I couldn’t help but smile. (I’m sorry if this grosses some of you out, it made me laugh).

For those who know me well, you know how I feel about my “boys”. Even when mischievous, they always make me smile.

My family has always been my #1. Near or far, I am so lucky they are my family. (Pic #1 Me with my niece and nephew.  Pic #2 Me, my sister, my mom, my uncle. Pic #3 Me and my dad)

My husband. My best friend, biggest fan and a big reason I am where I am today.

Additionally, I’m thankful for my health, my work and my ability to think and choose freely.  Also for my home. After 7.5 years, I still walk down the stairs sometimes and say, “Wow, I love this house!”  All of those things put a smile on my face.

And finally to everyone out there who has ever read my blog, attended a program, subscribed to my newsletter, sent me an email, made me laugh, or benefited in some way from my words and let me know, “Thanks that felt good”.  All of you put a smile on my face.  And I appreciate that.

No longer do I hear from strangers, “Hey you should smile more!”  And on those days when I don’t feel like smiling, knowing I have tools available to me to get through it, that it’s a temporary phase and soon I will smile again, that is feel good living.

What puts a smile on your face? Have you shared a smile with someone recently?

Related posts:

1. Stretch Break! For your Face