Let it Flow

By definition expectation is: “the act or state of looking forward or anticipating”. When I think about my own expectations I tend to create futuristic stories about what my day will look like tomorrow, plans for tonight, or what I’ll do over Memorial Day weekend. These expectations usually occur when I’ve planned an activity or conversation.

Over the last week I’ve been thrown 2 curve balls of varying degrees.

CURVE BALL 1
Last week, while away on retreat I learned that my roommate brought bed bugs with her. A week of disconnection from technology and my everyday life. A chance to really relax was now disturbed.

The good news is I was unaffected physically by the bugs. However, I had to relinquish all of my belongings including the clothes on my body, for 8 hours of heat treatment (150 degrees) to rid my clothes, suitcase, shoes of bugs. I also had to switch rooms. Because this had to happen quickly I missed a portion of my seminar that afternoon, not to mention was given only a robe to wear for the afternoon. The expectation I had of a quiet, relaxing week had been slightly disturbed, to say the least.

Remembering why I was on retreat in the first place - to rest, relax and clear my mind - was helpful. After all my roommate didn’t intentionally bring bed bugs. (Note: The roommate was from Tokyo who made a stopover in NYC to stay with friends, she experienced itching and bites in NY, which is why I was told she brought them with her). So instead I said to myself, “What can you do?” I could have gotten really upset or I could remain calm. I chose the latter. I was just happy that the location acted so quickly. There was no one to blame and getting upset would have solved nothing. Especially when I saw my new room. I had been downgraded for my inconvenience. Staying calm helped me during my conversation with the manager and it worked to my advantage. I was credited for two night, and as a result was able to treat myself to a soothing deep tissue massage.

CURVE BALL 2
Upon returning home, my husband came down with a fever and stomach bug of sorts. It got so bad, he missed work and I ended up at the ER with him for 9 hours yesterday before they decided to admit him. He’s still there, not knowing exactly what’s wrong with him or when he’s coming home. Once done with this post, I’m heading back to the hospital. I expected yesterday to be free to write. That was not the case.

I’ve never been in this place before. Having to choose work vs. my husband, be by his side all day or just part of the day. What to do? I was supposed to teach, see clients and write. Now probably not for a few days. I remain flexible, again realizing, this was not “done to me”, there is no one to blame. My husband is sick and now I (and he) must adjust. Getting upset here, also, solves nothing. There is a difference between feeling saddened by the fact that he’s in the hospital and angry. This is temporary, and soon we’ll be playing badminton again in the backyard.

Lessons Learned
Things aren’t always as they seem or what I expect, so perhaps I should expect nothing… Or maybe it’s about keeping perspective. What’s really important? To me, it’s thinking about “WHAT IS” rather than what could be. I wasn’t affected by bed bugs and the location did the best they knew how to do. My husband’s illness is temporary, he didn’t wish for this hospital stay. That’s it.

Can you remain flexible and calm when expectations are unmet? There is no one to blame. If we react violently or inappropriately, at the end of the day, we as individuals are the only ones to blame. It’s on us. We can’t control the situations, we can control our reactions. There is power in knowing that.

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