Let it Flow

Public speaking is a huge stressor for me and many people I know. As often as I do it, my palms still get sweaty, my heart races, and my breath gets short. I have to remember to slow things down. Part of it is my nature, part of it is that I care and want to make sure I provide useful information. Each time I present I learn something about myself, and that is an exciting feeling. That’s what keeps me going. It would have been easy to quit many times!

Over the years I have taken several steps to help improve my speaking and manage my fear of it. I started by doing, preparing and practicing. I knew I couldn’t just jump in from of a group without preparation! I’ve also learned that improvement comes with more than preparation and practice. Here are a few methods I’ve had success with in improving my public speaking skills.

Joined Toastmasters
3 years ago I joined Toastmasters. It’s been the best thing I could have done for myself. It’s a volunteer organization that allows me to practice a variety of communication skills – speaking, giving/receiving feedback, off the cuff – in a safe and motivating environment. Having the consistency of a weekly or bi-weekly meeting is really what helps the most. I learn and improve by doing. There are people of all abilities in my group, so I’m able to learn from other members.

Started watching other speakers
Every time I attend an event I notice the speakers. I pay attention to how they connect with the crowd, what they’re wearing, how they’re standing, whether or not they use (or read directly from) notes, how they connect to the audience, what their opening was, their speed and whether they have a lot of ums and ahs (filler words). I’m not trying to be that speaker, but it gives me ideas on how to better open and close a speech and interact with the audience.

Started watching myself speak
Using video at some of my presentations and through my TV show I now know my own habits as a speaker. This is a tough one to stomach, no doubt about it! I know we tend to be our own worst critic, but what I’ve noticed about myself is that I have this wide-eyed, raised eyebrow thing I do, I play with my rings, I use my hands too much in large gestures (very distracting) and I have a tight mouth/jaw. It’s almost devastating to watch on film. But I’ll tell you it’s the best way for me to become aware of my twitchy habits! Now I can work to improve them.

Becoming authentic
I’ve been presenting stress management trainings quite a bit lately – I know the material cold. Despite the positive feedback received and my confidence with the topic, I often find myself feeling less than satisfied with my “performance”. Recently it occurred to me – I’m not being authentic to who I am. I’m “performing” as someone I think I should be. My style tends to be less formal, more interactive, more humor. That’s not to say I’m not professional, it’s just that my style is very everyday. I’m a lot like the people in the audience - I have stress, I work to manage it, and I struggle with that challenge. I realized that putting on this “act” was creating more stress and using more energy than if I was myself. I’m so much more comfortable as myself!

Knowing I don’t have to please everyone
When I first started speaking I thought I had to satisfy everyone and I thought everyone had to like me. I took it personally when I received less than favorable feedback. What I learned (over time and through Toastmasters) is that feedback is the opinion of the person giving it. This was powerful information for me to have. I decided that if I could positively affect just 1 person (I still aim higher than that!) with my words, that’s all I needed to have a successful experience. Not everyone will appreciate what I have to say, and that’s perfectly ok. It doesn’t mean I’m not good at what I do.

BONUS TIP:
Remember to breathe! Sometimes I have to remind myself…it help to slow my heart rate down and clear my mind.

The biggest realization for me was being authentic to who I am. It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders and I felt so free. Improving speaking skills can be learned in the right environment and with the right frame of mind. Instead of thinking you can’t, think that you can, with baby steps. Toastmasters helped me, but any comfortable setting will do. The key is consistency and practice. You have to do in order to improve.

Tags: Communication, Stress //