Self-Talk: Positive or Negative?
“The most important words we will ever utter are those words we say to ourselves, about ourselves, when we’re by ourselves.” - Al Walker, Contemporary Motivational Humorist.
I know I suffer from negative self talk. As an entrepreneur I sometimes find myself questioning my ability to succeed, my skills as a public speaker, or writer. Man is it tiring! The quote rings so true to me because when I tell myself a story I find myself believing it! when this happens, I’ve learned to ask myself “Wouldn’t it be better to believe that you are successful, you are a great speaker and gosh darnit, people like you?”
Seriously, though, I find that I have more drive, more focus and more success when my thoughts are positive. When I believe that a goal is truly attainable. It serves NO ONE when my thoughts are negative. I believe there is truth in all the hype about positive mental attitude and thinking about what you want to attract. I want to attract success. I want to be on TV. And now I choose to believe that I can. I find that I’m extremely focused on taking the necessary steps to achieve my goals.
Yesterday I attended a networking event and a woman I’ve known for a while (we’re friendly as far as networking goes) said to me:
Woman: “I’m so glad you’re offering yoga podcasts now and I can practice at home.”
Me: “Why is that?”
Woman: “My goal this year is to start practicing yoga, and I’m afraid to go to a class because I don’t look good in the outfits.”
Me: (trying really hard not to shake her, as my mouth dropped wide open) “It’s not about what you look like in the yoga outfit, it’s about how yoga makes you feel!”
Her negative self talk about how she looks in a yoga outfit (and by the way, what exactly qualifies as a yoga outfit anyway?) is stopping her from trying such an amazing (in my opinion) practice. And then I wonder, is it really how she looks or is there something else?
Here is what helps me manage my negative thought patterns:
The desire to improve myself. I have big goals and dreams, I always have and I’m finally living them out. I used coaching and other methods (energy work, yoga, meditation, journal writing) to help me figure out where some of the self talk comes from and how best to manage it (can we say family influence?)
I surround myself with supportive people. Support is critical for me and I’ve done quite a bit of “letting go” of some non-supportive people in my life. They aren’t non-supportive in that they tell me I’m crazy, they are simply heading in a different direction. I have a supportive husband and now I’ve made some wonderful friends through networking and we help each other quite a bit.
Facing fears head on. Instead of letting them get the best of me, I’m learning to attack them. And I’m trying really hard to believe that if the situation doesn’t have a preferred outcome it’s not a failure, it’s simply a learning experience. Now I know what needs to be done to be successful next time. If I let my fears win, I’d never know. And that’s an awful feeling. I absolutely prefer concrete answers.
I tell stories to myself all the time and many of them are false. I have worked really hard over the last year to start telling new, more effective and happier stories. So far it’s working and I still have a long way to go. Hey, it happens and I’m human, living in the Boston area which in many ways is a competitive environment. It’s a matter of learning to manage it so the thoughts don’t take over.
What stories do you tell yourself? Are they positive or not so positive? How do you manage them. Share what helps you and learn from others by posting a comment.
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