Let it Flow

I recently conducted several stress management trainings and part of the package was to offer 1 on 1 follow ups to those who attended training. Today the follow up sessions started. One woman sat down and looked at me and asked, “I am reactionary and how do I stop being reactionary?” Well, I didn’t have the answer to that. My first thought, though, was something someone once taught me: “keep doing what you’re doing.” That might raise a question or two and yet I know from my own experience and development that it can work. Not all people are ready to make a change.

Here is how it worked for me:

When I first started offering trainings or giving talks I spoke so fast and offered so much information to the audience it was overwhelming! In the beginning I had no idea I was doing it, I just knew I was exhausted at the end of it. I joined Toastmasters as a way to practice. Over time, I would receive feedback on those two points: you talk too fast and you provide too much information. There was just so much I wanted to share!

Slowly I started to notice my speed and the amount of information I was providing, and yet I kept doing it. Over and over again, I don’t think I really knew how to change it. Then, one fall morning I presented to a group of Team in Training Runners. It went very well and the information was well received. As I got in my car it hit me and I suddenly felt frustrated and fed up with myself. For the first time I heard what needed improvement. I had reached my breaking point and finally had the courage to change my habits. From that moment on, I made a very conscious effort to slow my speech and prepare future talks with the intention that less is more. It was amazing to me the improvements that followed.

I had to keep doing what I was doing until it drove me crazy that I literally couldn’t take another minute of my own speaking.

I offered this woman that story and suggested that it’s OK to keep doing what she’s doing. In addition, I asked her to start thinking about these situations and the reactions, simply noticing them for what they are. With each situation gaining more awareness until she has her own breaking point and realizes there may be a more effective way to manage a situation. It’s about awareness - in the situation and the reaction. Start with that. No need to make changes until you are absolutely ready. If you are not ready, the change won’t happen. You’ll know when that moment comes, perhaps just like I did.

Have you had a recent “breaking point?” What changes did you make?

Tags: Stress //